scent-of-death

2010-08-09T21:09:00.002+08:00

last post here^^ i am moving... like how many thousand time have i said that? but today is real!

so yes. farewell scent of death and my childish days?

안녕 어린애 같은 날

안녕 성숙한 같은 날

마치…… =.="

new link^^

미쓰배리

2010-07-24T18:02:00.002+08:00

人曰：江郎只怕材穷尽，财如浪涛千尺高，成败又何谓？
曰：功乃吾唯也。

我就是计较这些。
我就是小心眼，
你又能拿我如何？

到最后只是自讨苦吃啊。

2010-07-22T08:29:00.000+08:00

남생이
내가 남생이

내 껍질에 내가 살고있는

나를 방문 줄래?

감사합니다

2010-07-08T20:49:00.002+08:00

what de....hack ?!

( i was considering using the word fuck...but i guess i shldn't let my mood get me all that hostile... is scratch that. as if the scratching really works....okay you know what? just ignore me. i am kind of off now....)

what's like tis place turning into? outdated music....(sorry suju oppas) bad skin ( again....sorry oppas) and no post?!

so i am like really going to abandon tis place?

NO.

a flat naw!

i will keep tis place a life.

so it's like after exam i am so going to fix tis place up that it will glister like a good old piece of heaven.

so the truth is m'feeling weird now... like seriously emo for ain't know nothing.

and so i am here to bitch.

and so i sound like a bitch...

don't i ?

if say naw, i will be sad babe.

yes. i will....

btw. it's decided i will post all the things i write in tis blog after exam^^

the distance that i must make do.

2010-07-08T18:04:00.002+08:00

친구 따뜻함 행복 떠나지 말아

한다고해도 나가 가슴이 차가운

나 보고

너 행복하게 다른 사람과 웃음

하지만

나 가까이 수 없어

날 위해서 너 가진 거리 해

나도 알 이것 잘못은

나 경멸 이것 생각

하지만

난 어떻게해야할지 모르겠어

난 그냥 무서워....

2010-06-29T21:31:00.001+08:00

不喜欢就是不喜欢。

你不是我。

你不在我的生活中。

你无法了解。

当我是怎样的痛。

又有什么资格说

我不该不喜欢

我不该不接受

我不该在再抱怨

你不是我。

你不了解。

什么才是真正的不该。

真正的不该的是你。

去逼迫我喜欢我不喜欢的东西。

喜欢不曾是种错。

那么不喜欢又怎么能错了？

2010-06-26T17:54:00.002+08:00

to abandon or not to abandon.

that's the question.

twitter is harmful for the mind and soul.

it's killing my babe blogspot. my scent of death. ( supposedly it's not rotting in the first place.)

hais.

i want to move it livejournal.

but my darling blog that holds all the memories???????????????

arggg....

2010-06-15T14:57:00.003+08:00

have you ever had days that you can't put your heart to anything?

you want to do this, keeping in mind there is still "that"
and you look at that, but all you wanted was this.

strange as it sounds,
you know you have other more important responsibilities,
yet you know you have the responsibility to entitle you self to a piece of freedom.
but after some soul searching you realized all that was wrong was you giving your self too much liberty.

so you desperately want to concentrate on some thing.
complete a few great task at hand

or
atleast

at the very least

enjoy every moment of slacking.

but in the end all you do is squander the time away.
wasting every minute of it like it was cheaper than the air.

but you know most of the other times, you need time like it's oxygen under the sea.

however, this probably was in your genes
(yes, when you have nothing to blame. push it to the root of your humanity)
like how serial murder sociopaths have an extra Y chromosome and should be totally freed of all the responsibilities.

they can't control.
it's their body that it's controlling the souls after all.

to say that i am depressed now, would very be an understatement.
but it's the closest to the description.
so it would be allowed.

just like the world depression is least likely to sum up what life is about,
but some times it's just the closest that life could get.
so some depression in a few minutes of yourself should be allowed.

p.s might close this blog. i hate resigning with different gmail account everday.
so ya. i don't want to lose the memories but switching gmail acc is hell alot hateful.
and CY had said that i probably shld post stories on blogs. but i dismissed the idea.
but now it's starting to hit me that may it isn't a bad idea after all...

2010-06-12T17:58:00.002+08:00

okay.

so there is this many of thoughts ( how many imagine yourselves) flashing through my brain right now and when i finally had the mood to blog, i found that i couldn't actually put them into words with the fowl mood that i am having now.

actually, nothing is quite wrong now a days, cause like always, nothing is going right on the spot where it should hit.

life is just a river, long long river may i remind you, of stagnant water, however disgusting with it's odor of death, yet it still is a long length of cool and calming water.

yes, however weird this is, it's my enjoyable, i mean truly enjoyable, June holidays. and that, i guarantee you my friends, is the truth of the truth. though on the side note , i have always wanted a holiday with out guilt. guilt of slacking and guilt of eating. well... that my friend, i hadn't mange to find once in my life.

so just let's put a side the fact mid years are coming and i still hvent touched my darlings in the files, life now is generally good. some times it's so good, that i felt like believing in God's miracle again.

however corny this might sound, the idea of God is really looking after me strike upon me on the very day of my birth day.

hmm... i am getting tired of blogging. i shall just end here. =/

2010-05-16T00:22:00.002+08:00

havent been blogging for so long~

came to blog because i found this UFO replies.

the irresistible charm of heenim~~~
omo omo~

btw... UFO is a web where fans pay to send msg to oppas and oppas will reply some of them.^^

ELF: bangsang! gailang gailang “ bibienbiongbiongdongdidadibulangbulang!~ The one who can translate this is the best

Heechul: Kim Heechul nice!! daksong~~

Angel Teuk: Sounds like the beautiful love between SJ and ELF~~

Kyuhyun: ㅋ , this guy’s popularity …

ELF: Getting close, idolizing, getting closer, staying with (oppas) every second … … What do we get in the end?

Heechul: Your mum’s beatings, naggings … and exploding electricity bills and lousy results, but you’re the greatest ELF!!

ELF: ELF is working hard and voting~~ Please wait~~ For the awards~~ The awards will come flying

Heechul: The award .. When it comes .. Please avoid the corners. Your head will break if it hits

ELF: Who are you~ I’m ELF~ Who are you~?

Heechul: What’s with the informal tone

ELF: Ya

Heechul: Hoo

(that make yahoo?)

ELF: Pretending that we’re in love now, please do an in love expression!!!

Heechul: in love expression

ELF: When I received a reply, I was also given a 1 million won bread at the same time!

Heechul: Give me half the bread

ELF: Attack on the Unsightly Boys!!!! (.. honestly, i dont know how to translate the title .. sorry /:) Kouwoo! ^0^

Heechul: Wanna die?

ELF: What’s on Super Junior’s bread

Heechul: Sesames, sesames

this is eunhyukie's reply:

ELF: Ha choo .. Ha ah .. ㅋ !! Ha ah .. Choo ㅋ .. Ah .. ㅋ .. /What am I saying?

Eunhyuk: The same thing .. ㅋㅋ

kyu oppa~

ELF: Kyuhyun oppa’s double eyelid surgery looks so natural, Oppa is really zzang!

Kyuhyun: I think so too~~ I’m so zzang~

LF: Do you want to marry me~~ Youngwoon (Kangin oppa~)~~~

Kyuhyun: What about me?

ELF: The Eldest Son of the Village (the title of some movie)

Kyuhyun: That idiot is you (a character from the movie)

ELF: Donghae oppa, shall we go watch a musical??

Kyuhyun: Why can’t I go?

ELF: Oppa is an idiot

Kyuhyun: Compared to you, Im a genius

ELF: These days oppas are looking really charismatic

Kyuhyun: Im cute

that's why i am so in love with the boys~~

2010-05-08T20:49:00.004+08:00

Da da da ~

Da da da da da ~

... ...

SUPER JUNIOR COME BACK

미 인 아

버나 마나

2010-05-02T23:29:00.001+08:00

大专文学的参赛作品。。。

我应该发布在这里吗？

没关系吧。。。后面的不要发布就行了。。。

很想跟大家分享一下前一篇。^^

生命是是神奇的东西。

人的一生要做多少事情，就能做多少事情，巴罗万象。

真的。

只要是你想，你真的真的渴望，一切无所不能。

生命奇特就奇特在这里。

不管你有多大的成就，多亮的未来，一担你选择了放弃生命，这些荣耀光环，就不再是你的了。

因为生命只有一次，失去了就无法收回。

"我还是一定要走。"

。。。。。。

一定要走吗？

我能感觉到风，它粗鲁的像是能割伤我的脸。我能感觉到月光，它温和的照进眼睛的缝隙。我能感觉到身体下的小石子，一粒一粒硬邦邦的搁着我的皮肤。我能感到虫子，他千万只脚一个接着一个的爬过我的脸颊。。。。。。

"嘶——"

我张开了眼睛，从地上弹了起来倒吸了一口气。

嘴角突然感觉痒痒的。。。。

我使劲儿的拍打我的嘴角，那只虫子掉在了地上。我吓的从地上跳了起来，那竟然是一只蜈蚣！"啊！"我不停的跺着脚，叫声回荡在安静的夜空中，灰色的月光下那只蜈蚣在我的脚下变成了一摊黑漆漆的泥。

这是哪里？

转身好像是一片黑漆漆的山洞，而山洞里延伸出来一道发着寒光的火车轨道。

数小时后，我还坐在原地，沉静用心的思考。

我好像不见了一些东西。光线不足我看不到它们在那里。更大问题在于。。。我不知道不见了什么东西。我坐在地上，嗑起了指甲脑子里不停地分析。

我至少应该带了一个手提包，里面应该会有手机，钥匙和钱包。。。钱包。。。钱包里至少要有提款卡，现金。。。还有身份证。。。身份证。。。身份证上。。。

我有点坐立难安，站起来开始疯狂的转圈。

身份证上应该写着姓名，年龄，地址。。。姓名。。。姓名。。。我到底姓什么？？？！

我不停的敲打着自己的头，但是还是什么都想不起。

姓名。。。姓名。。。。姓名。。。。

我到底不见了什么！

突然我脚底下踩到了一瘫软绵绵的东西。脑子里浮现了无数怪异的片段。我停止不动了。

我想起来了。

这时从树林里传来轰隆隆的声音，火车的头灯照亮了我周围的寂静。

土地上洒了一些化妆品和一面破碎的镜子。镜子里面刚好能看到我蓬头垢面的样子。镜子旁边是钥匙，钱包和一个褐色的小背包。丢了的东西还差一样，不用找我也知道它在哪里。

火车奔驰过我身旁时，我看到了轨道上黑红色的血迹。视线随着血迹我看到了最后丢失的东西。

脚底下我踩着只剩下上半身的自己。

***

怎么样。。。很怪异吧。。。。^^

我的电子无时无刻都是最棒的=）

只是让我写。。。

真是糟蹋啊！

2010-05-01T21:46:00.003+08:00

献给新加坡教育系统，双语制度，懒惰的我，和离我而却的中文语感：

或许我没有资格去批评，
回头看看我自己并没有作对什么。

夜郎自大，夜郎自大。

从小在病床上输液的时候，
外婆就给我读过这么一个故事。

但是从没想过，我将有一天会变成夜郎。

我不是个自爱的人。

不好好的保护身体，保护我的青春，经常虐待自己。

但是

我却是个百分之百的自恋的人。

我崇拜我自己

曾有一时，

不，

诚实地说，我无时无刻膜拜在自己的才华下，

我生活在光鲜有高端的幻想里。

幻想里一切不一定都是美丽的

但那个世界里太阳却是以我为中心。

我变成了地球的重心
一切都以我为引力。

当然幻想。

不是“幻实”

悲哀不在于那只是虚幻的假象。

悲哀在苦心搭建这个幻想的过度，后来只换来脱离现实的凄凉。

当梦醒了，城堡塌了，剩下的又是什么？

我现在已经长大了，慢慢的不在做梦了。

而现在的我，徘徊在现实和梦境

无力逃脱这种拉扯。

那我该怎么办呢？

大半辈子只会拍动虚构翅膀的我

要怎么学会脚踏实地的走路？

如果不想放弃梦境，那我又有什么力量长出真正会飞翔的翅膀？

如果无助是否要流泪？

如果泪淋湿最后的的杰作，模糊了那以后再也想不出来的词句

我是否就开心了？

我不会流泪，

以为资格不够的关系，

懒惰的我从不乱流泪。

那时劳神费心的事情。

更何况，如果事情做不好大半是应为我不想做。

瞧，自恋的我已经不止住在镜子里了。

或许我花了太多的时间在镜子前观察他，

他决定出来跟我合二为一了。

不管怎样如果我曾经尝试早点觉悟，

早点长出梦的翅膀，

是真实的那双，拥有神力的那双

我就不会忘了怎么飞翔了。

我是被翅膀抛弃的企鹅

面对一座有一座的冰山，

我努力的拍动着我短小的翅膀
和幻想的世界说再见。

北面的冷风吹来了创作的灵感。

空白的创作说他会代替白色的玫瑰

埋葬我最后一点能引以为荣的骄傲。

2010-04-24T22:15:00.006+08:00

Does this make sense at all?????????

Why can't I just stop writing…GOD. Arg! Do something more productive for crying out loud! And I didn't really finish this one. to sleep to develop more into it. just let it be….. plus this is my second drabble! Actually it's good to practise writing short things^^ it am always way to naggy. AND I just realise I can't write Chinese stuff anymore. Oh god. Horrible.

Zzzzz

It's all epikhigh's fault. Ya. All their fault.

Suju 100 fanfic challenge again. this time is Yekyung ( yesung vs Hankyung)… like what the hell???????????

0.3
{Blindfold}
Yekyung

The trees created shades of colours orange, chocolate and black on the fallen leaves. The leaves crunched a little melody under your feet. You scan through the forest, head turning left right left. You swirled round and round like the leaves playing in the wind, visions smeared into dripping sweat.

You heard the wind sing, like fingers sliding over guitar strings, you heard rivers flow, like tingling of the white between the black keys and you listen to your heart pump, like drums that timed eternity.

The lyric goes, follow me, catch me, if you could find me.

You hesitated and stepped in the hazy dream. The trees there were grey instead of green and the flowers had their throat ripped, their red dripped. You turned around but the door was gone, the music playing was just a deceit and you brought it in without a receipt.

He was a master of deceit and you are a puppet at his mercy.

You saw him standing at the realm of blinding lights, red gown fluttering, you only managed to catch a corner of the satin fabric.

The fabric fall, your eyes saw, that you were still in the centre of forest, where it began if it did at all.

And finally you see you were blindfolded by love's perilous trick.

2010-04-24T14:23:00.005+08:00

A piece of cookie at tea break.

A crump fallen off lost thoughts of a noon sleepy soul.

Just a little piece of something.

Suju 100 fanfic challenge No. 3 blind- sichul (Siwon vs Heechul)

{BLIND}

‘I need no eyes.

For the love that's there for me to see.

My heart will tell me how pretty it would be.

I am blind.

The darkness embedded into eternity.

I couldn't see how love is supposed to be.

Until you hold my hands and whispered softly.

Love love love.

It's about you, me and time's never ending.

We are

Blinded fools, the beauty of love's perceived eternity.

Really sleepy (-┏)

2010-04-23T23:01:00.006+08:00

So I had a bit of time. And for crying out loud it's FRIDAY= RESTING DAY = WHAT EVER I WANT TO DO AT NIGHT DAY! Ya so I hope that was enough accuse to write a fic even though I could like have done my PI, GP, CLIT OR ECONS? That isn't much lar… really isn't much >;D

….

Anyway here it is… for no.2 in 100 fanfic challenge. But emm.. .sadly it's not BL… I wonder why…actually the Heechul part is still kind of BL cause I can't write anything with Heechul that's not BL…sry…

Christmas

**********

Summary: White flakes fall, each a fragment of the shattered hearts and broken souls.
Pairings: HeeWook?
Warnings: !fail Angst !fail HeeWook
Rating: PG

***********

A light petal fall. It was a white fragile thing shattering against the misty window. One moment it was there, the next moment it melted, evaporated and was gone.

It was snowing, Christmas bells singing.

Heechul was reading, like he always did though you might not believe it. He reads fanfics, stories that are too beautiful to be true, stories about him and dreams, yet none of them are his. It never happened like how it was written, they didn't fly the skies together nor did they swim through ocean of tears alone when love was gone. Because they didn't kiss, they didn't love.

They, no matter how he wished, were just friends.

Now that he was gone, Heechul still liked to read this stuff made of fantasy and fluff, because he thought maybe if he read enough , he could write his own angst and just maybe all this would come true, in dreams it might flew, even if it was just all sad and blue .

Oh yes, his dreams were blue; he waited and was alone. Until another petal of snow melted, nothing had come true.

You said you would be back, when the bells start singing.

Ding ding ding.

***

Ryeowook caught a flake in his hand, his nose red and his breath steamed, his vision smudged.

He returned to the dorm with a turkey to be roasted and cake flour waiting to be baked. He ordered a 2meter pine tree, brought a chain of small red and green light and a plastic gold star.

Ryeowook placed a blanket over the one dosed off at the computer table, looking at the empty room.

It's Christmas after all.

He put on the apron, starting with turkey marinated in fridge and cake in the oven. He cleared the different rooms, restored books and Cds back on shelfs, folded t-shirts and pants in to drawers and washed all dirty socks gone moody forgotten under the beds. He swept and mopped the floors, once, twice, trice and until they were sparkly clean. He roasted the turkey, decorated the tree and wrapped 14 different gifts.

When he had finished, it became all strange. He sat on the sparkly floor, hearing the clocks ticked and tocked.

Ryeowook liked business, it kept him from the silence, kept him from thinking and kept him from remembering. He shook his head, but the silence wouldn't go out. He covered his ears and memories became clearer.

Christmas. Chocolate. Rose with a hidden ring.

A boy waiting. A girl late. A car speeding.

The rose melting. Blood blood blood.

Ryeowook closed his eyes and tears watered wither petals before they bloomed and started bleeding all over again.

***

They lay on the snow, the world white as eternity. They faced each other, sleeping. One held a bell and the other held a rose with a hidden ring. They held on too tightly, afraid to let go. a thin layer of snow covered them, melting in to Heechul's chocolate locks, wetting Ryeowook's long overcoat.

White flakes fall, each a fragment of the shattered heart and broken soul.

2010-04-22T20:45:00.011+08:00

So I said I was going to write epic angst?

Half of it was right. I did write the angst yesterday… but it wasn't epic at all.. =/

Well me being me, nothing I write make much of any sense. And please don't ask me why its BL again… because it well just have to be? Because everything I write is BL? Because though I am nothing like gay/les/bi-sex/or anything along that line I enjoy reading BL? Ya… and well because this is for the SuJu 100 fic challenge that I have came across along time ago but didn't dare to pick up and write. Not that I am planning to take that up now, it would be crazy to promise to write 100 fanfic prompts. But yesterday I was itching for something to write and I saw the first prompt was "Free Fall – KangTek ( Kangin vs Eetek)" and I went like WOW. Not like I have a spot for KangTek, in fact I think they are pretty weird pairing. But the whole free fall concept was like "OMG MY STYLE". Ya. But in the end I still ruined it.

Ahhh… why do I have to run down everything I write?

Well because they are simply substandard? I AM SHALLOW. Zzzzz…. There I go again. But I am trying hard though. I am reading and reading grammar book and spelling books, well not that it will save me from my pathetic state, but definitely, it's better than not trying at all right?

OKAY.

Without further ado let's put on the story.

**************************************************************************

Warining.

You are about to view contents that are suited for minors pleasure.

Please turn around when you are giving the chance.

**************************************************************************

FREE FALL

**********

Summary: Everything has their gravity to surrender to. It's an attractive force that no one can overcome, they get captivate even if they end up all pathetic and broken.
Disclaimer: Kangin is Kangin's (well perhaps just perhaps Eetek's) Eetek is Eetek's (maybe Kangin's) I do own superjunor but its Heechul AND Hankyung I own in my dreams
Pairings: Kangtek
Warnings: !fail Angst
Rating: PG-13 for the self harming parts?

***********

When Eetek first met Kangin, he was sitting under an apple tree.

He wasn't trying to be Newton discovering perhaps a whole new gravity; he was just day dreaming and escaping from piano, violin, swimming, sword mastery and tea appreciation practices his mother had planned for his afternoon. He was just enjoying the waste of time.

When Kangin walked over with a brightest beam that out shone the sun, Eetek didn't feel good about the friendliness actually, but the shape of Kangin's eyes attracted him weirdly. It was like some kind of animal Eetek vaguely remembered from the time his late father had brought him to a zoo.

Later Eetek would check all his pictured books and encyclopedia, before matching the eyes to that of a raccoon exactly.

When Kangin held out his hand and did his introduction, Eetek somehow knew Kangin wasn't here to free him from the dreadful life of a young master in a multibillion household. He knew Kangin was there to bound him and make sure he never escape from his never ending responsibilities. Still he was weirdly attracted.

Before Eetek went back with Kangin to resume his schedule, he saw an apple bright red and pretty falling down from a brunch. It landed in tragedy, broken and white flesh stained by a muddle of mud under the tree.

Then Eetek understood everything has their gravity to surrender to. It's an attractive force that no one can overcome, even if they end up all pathetic and broken.

***

Kangin was planted beside Eetek for a purpose.

They didn't feed extra mouth, just so they could get a village boy for nothing but display.

Though partially, Kangin was indeed for display. The Ee family fed him well, in fact forced him to eat more than he needed that sometimes he had to throw it all out when the supervisors were gone. All that was to make Kangin looked burly and scary, so that he could protect young master at school.

However, to reiterate the point, all that burliness and scariness was just for display. In fact, Kangin at age of six didn't know how to protect himself, let alone another boy. When a group of seniors extorted money from Eetek, he pushed Eetek out of the circle to protect him and didn't know what to do for himself after that.

Eetek watched Kangin being beaten from a corner of a wall, he had all the time to run. But he didn't. He couldn't. He felt attracted, even though it was danger that he was heading for.

When he pushed through the circle and spread his arm over Kangin, feeling excruciating pain at where a leg kicked him, it was strange how all of a sudden he remembered the apple.

***

Gradually as they grew, protecting Eetek from foreign harms became an easy job.

But keeping Eetek from Eetek was a hard job that no one could do.

The first time Eetek attempted to relieve his stress, he was thirteen; he was locked up in study room for days practicing calligraphy because he had gotten second in a contest. When his hands became numb and his finger couldn't grip on to the brush anymore, he had a sudden idea. He wondered what will happen if he sipped just a little of the black ink on the table. When he gulped it down nothing happened at first, but it wasn't long when the pain at the abdomen caught up with him and he fell to the floor curling in his sweat. Before Eetek faint, he felt good. The pain was actually better than the harsh reality.

***

The second time, Eetek brought cigarettes just to burn little holes on his arms and the next time he used the lighter and then a pen knife. Kangin saw the scars building on each other, but he just didn't know when Eetek was doing it.

It was until Eetek's arm had been filled with scars did Kangin find him doing it in his room at night. Kangin took the knife way and Eetek withered in to his chest. The exposed wounds formed crimson glossy lines under the pale moonlight. Eetek's pupils were dilated, intoxicated by pain.

***

Just that night they lay on the same bed carved into each other. Eetek's tears were collected in small puddles in the curves of Kangin's shoulders.

***

Though Kangin tried hard to keep it all together, still there was day that everything snapped.

Eetek sat at the age of the roof, imagining himself growing a pair of light angelic wings. All he needed was a little wind when he flattered his wings and they would set him free, falling with gravity, away from desires and reality. He wouldn't even miss a single thing .

Don't go. Stay for me.

He felt the warmth of the hand reached out nearing his shoulders. He felt his heart wavering in the same motion as he rocking at the edge of the wall. He fall, nowhere but into Kangin's arms. Everything falls towards the center of gravity.

And just then Eetek realized where his center had been.

***

Once awhile Eetek would still sat on the roof top, looking down and wondering what it's like to fall freely. But he didn't think of trying out anymore because someone had pieced him back. It was Kangin, the one who sat there on the roof beside Eetek, the one Eetek followed at a distance but never too far and the one that everything seemed to revolve around.

Kangin dosing off and drooling in class, playing soccer in a field , blabbering happily about his dream to be a sports star, scratching his head during the exams, surrounded by girls at break and his raccoon eyes hiding behind his wide shinny grin at graduation day, every of that Eetek watched and remembered.

Kangin in his dirty uniform late for school, in a Cinderella costume that didn't fit his size and leg hair for an embarrassing school play and in suit tie crooked nervous about his first job, every of that Eetek remembered and collected.

Kangin day dreaming with his cheeks red, chirping about holding hands with a girl, crying with tears choking when she left him and kissed with another girl under their apple tree not long after, every of that Eetek collected and wanted.

But all that would never be his.

I know. I just know. She is the one. We are getting married.

Finally there was the day. The diamond ring glistered under the sun. It was pretty pretty and just pretty. But it was never never and never going to be his. Eetek never thought he should be sad though something just felt wrong. It was like his world had smudged up, his center of gravity offset.

The girl was pretty, light brown eyes matched with her chocolate curls.

Eetek brought the movie tickets, reserved the dinner and released balloons from on top of the roof when Kangin proposed. He helped to chose Kangin's tuxedo though it ought to be the bride's job, but she was really bad at it. He was a perfect best man at their wedding and he drove them to the airport for their honey moon.

***

That night when Eetek sat on the roof again, someone was missing beside him. He looked below his feet and wonder what the apple had felt through its free fell. He remembered that once he thought he could grow wings, but maybe he really could. He closed his eyes and remembered watching the apples fall with Kangin when they were kids, he remembered they ran through the fields and remembered Kangin rocking him on a swing.

The wind was cooling and it felt good. He opened his eyes and in the starry lights he saw a familiar face. Only that he wasn't attracted towards it anymore. He fell away from the smiling eyes. He fell down, down, down and down.

When Eetek fell on to the ground shattered, nobody could ever gather and piece him back gain. He smiled, eyes in enchanting sleep.

Finally his angelic wings could grow and take him free.

Fallen free from gravity.

Like the apple that perhaps loved the tree deeply.

2010-04-22T08:36:00.003+08:00

at school

great morning.
having fun with my darlie lappie

but depressed.

PI is sucking the hell out of me.

(-┏)

2010-04-21T19:02:00.001+08:00

Had my most epic clit test today.

Which is ofcourse going to guarantee me epically low results.

Let's see how epic can it get.

Last time was a "near to epic" past….

This time is going to be an epic "fail by ten marks"?

And maybe…

By this time, you realise that I am trying to use epic in each of my sentence.

Don't ask me why, I have to "Epic-fied" every of my sentence.

Maybe that's because I can't get over epikhigh's songs.

Or maybe today I am just epically lame.

Either way, I was going to say, today after the exam I decide to have an epic rest.

So I came home and watched epic juniors for the whole afternoon.

But prior to that I wanted to write epic angst.

Well somehow writing has to go after watching my epic juniors.

Okay this is irritating….

I shall stop epic-ing.

Zzz….

So I have just finished watching superjunior…but well technically you can't really finish watching them….

It's just that my mother has came back so to reframe from family wars…

I have to stop watching.

But guess what???????

HEECHUL HAVE JOINED TWITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That actually made my day.^^

Nah… before that…nae yuting has also made my day…^^

She gave her egg sushi to me^^

I was sooo shocked that she really did this…well not like she isn't that type who do kind things (ooops)

It's just I was really shy to receive her kindness *.*

And before yuting, I ate with cy^^

She borrowed me money (T_T broke totally) and we ate sandwiches together.

Then before that… last night meibao shii smsed to console me.

Which I really felt shy about also…

Since I had yet again made a scene out of my self.

Which brings me to the point….

WHY AM I EVEN LIKE THIS??????????

Why did I chose to emo???????

I guess I scared hell out of lots of friends?

Zzzz

Well okay before this post can get more chopped up and random,

I should just end off here and go write my epic angst….

Ya…. But there is still a lot I want to say…..

Zzzz

ASDFGL;P[LKJHGFDSASDFGHJKL;LKJHGFD

I FORGOT SOME THING!

Wuli meibao shii hwating for scholarship^^

you can do it^^

hug hug

ya…

here goes the crazy me again…

this is like the 100^th time

that I openly declared my love towords wuli meibao…

hohohohohoho~

she is truly a great friend^^

nae yuting too^^

2010-04-20T19:48:00.002+08:00

미안합니다

오늘

내가
정말미쳤다

휘발성 성질。。。

지금 행복한
나중에 슬픈

아......

친구연루하지

난 나쁜놈이야.....

미안합니다....

내가 왜 이렇게 오전

and my sucky korean....

(-┏)

i swear i will study everything well...

so i am going to do clit now..

zzzz....

aigooo...

2010-04-17T21:41:00.003+08:00

wahahahahah~

today mugged in library^^

this marks the start of me trying to be serious

and changing my lazy ways^^

today is supposed to be

revising clit day,,,

but then...

i found that i don't really know what to do for clit

and probably i will be wasting time

so i decide to chiong as much home work as possible^^

and in the end i finished econs math and physics...

well almost....

and it is really almost...

^^

happy now^^

but i found something fun....

for the whole day i spent.....

i only used 6 hrs to do homework.

the others wasted away

and six hours is like primary school hrs.

8 am - 2pm ( listen to my heart beat~)

hahahs....

that makes me having an attention spend of a kid

(-┏)

yahhh... why i am even like this

oh ya!!!!

happy birthday nae yuting and wuli syeo wok unni^^

the present...

heheh...

i am kind of broke now...

but i promise a big one end of this month!

mianhaeyo~

ahhhhhhh....

why am i even like thisssssss~

2010-04-13T19:40:00.002+08:00

4JIB

VAMPIRE CONCEPT

OMO OMO OMO OMO

HEENIM DRINKS BLOOD^^

*SMIRKS*

IF PPL AT THE Saphire blue is cheating my feeling about this...

i will drink their blood....

i am so bloody looking forward to four jib....

2010-04-13T10:15:00.001+08:00

ya..

wuli beautiful treasure shii says that the blog skin is too childish.

unlike the great jiayi gom ju nim style...

so shld i change it?

mollayou...

since it's gom ju nim's style

not changing sounds more like it.

puwakakak....

and wuli beautiful treasure also says my story is full of grammar mistakes

therefore....

ta-da!

the grammar bible^^

jjiang!

but that seemed to have cost nae yuting to panic....

nae yuting: ya....i should study more too!

me: *rolls eyes

nae yuting: what! dare to roll eyes at me! *blash
( this is pure fiction..my imagination)

yes...

maybe i shld study more...

first starting with PI^^

jjiang!

2010-04-12T21:37:00.003+08:00

RAIN

***

When you were gone I woke up alone. The air still was warm only the heart was cold.

I tried not to.

***

A day when I woke up, I thought I was dreaming.

My bed is wet, my pillow, my shirt and my hair.

Rain drops slide of my chin and I have difficulty in opening my eyes. I shield them with my hand and look up.

They are transparent, each with a small white umbrella. They jump and they fall, sipping through gaps of my fingers and disappearing into the bed.

It is raining.

Pit-Pat-Pit-Pat.

I get of the bed. Ceiling above is dry and so are my bed and my pillow.

I must have been dreaming. I clutch my shirt. Droplets squeeze through my fingers.

Pit-Pat-Pit-Pat.

They drum against my head. I look up and they tell me.

Isn't a dream.

It is raining.

Pit-Pat-Pit-Pat.

***

I tried not to. Not to think of the difference.

I tried not to.

***

I sit on the sofa.

In the television I watch someone sitting hugging his legs with a big umbrella over his head.

Pit- Pat –

I wish he could make some noise, so their voice won't be this noticeable in the slience.

But he doesn't.

In the black screen, he stares at me while I stare at him. Both of us and silence.

Pit- Pat –

He looks at sofa made of cloth.

He raises one finger, hesitates, and pressed down on the dry surface. A puddle of water raises as the spot sinks and creates a dark brown spot. He releases the finger, the water ebbed, the dark spot gone.

I see him raises his head. I look up. They are transparent, each with a small white umbrella. They jump and they fall, blossom on the surface of the plastic umbrella.

Pit- Pat - Pit- Pat –

And then they slide of on to the floor.

Both of us stretches a leg each, slowly lowering our feet, stretching a toe, slowly dipping in to the puddle on the floor, swirling with the rain.

Then he must have shrunk his toe back too. His puddle just as cold as mine.

Sitting, hugging legs close , both of us and the silence goes by.

Pit- Pat - Pit- Pat –

***

I tried not to. Not to think of you.

I tried not to.

***

It's sunny outside.

The sun shines big and big, bright and bright, warm and warm.

I can't open my eyes.

But I see them.

They are transparent, each with a small white umbrella. They jump and they fall, before their blinding flare die, spattering into smaller diamonds under the warm bright rays.

Rain. Rain. Rain.

Pit- Pat - Pit- Pat –

***

I tried not to.

***

A couple kisses at the corner of a street, lips glistering and bliss popping like a little girl's pink gum.

I see them watching with me. They are transparent, each with a small white umbrella. They jump and they fall, kissing my lips.

And I know, they are wondering.

What is it like. Just what is it like.

Not to be standing in the rain.

Alone.

Pit- Pat - Pit- Pat –

***

I tried not to. Not to think of the difference.

I tried not to.

***

The kids at the play ground hide, slide, run , laugh and they are wet. Their sweat shimmer under the sun, their skin sparkled.

Pit- Pat—

The metal bench below me plays a weird rhythm.

Pit- Pat- Pit- Pat –

They dance jump and skip.

Fun. They are smiling. They are having fun

I sit alone and maybe I am becoming part of them.

***

I tried not to. Not to think of you.

I tried not to.

***

Pit- Pat- Pit- Pat –

I run and run and run, away from them.

They are transparent, each with a small white umbrella. They jump and they fall, caressing my hair.

I lick my lips that are wet, it might have been salty, and it might have been blend. It might have been sweat or it might have been rain.

I run and run and forgot.

Where the umbrella has been.

Pit- Pat-

I stop.

And they just fall. Below the eyes and down the cheeks.

They run and they escape.

Finally they are free.

***

When you were gone I woke up alone. The air still was warm only the heart was cold.

I tried not to. Not to think of the difference. Not to think of you.

I tried not to cry.

When the memories came falling like rain, drenching my sleep with your scent and regret.

I tried and tried. I Escape and got caught

In the loop I can't but I can't.

Forget about you.

The rain . Drowning.

The rhythm. Singing

Pit- Pat- Pit- Pat –

My love, love, love, love

When everyday is a raining day.

The tears. Crying

The rhythm. Whispering.

Pit- Pat- Pit- Pat –

It's gone, gone, gone, gone.

Gone.

2010-04-12T11:12:00.004+08:00

physics is....

sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf
sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf
sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf
sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf
sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf
sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf
sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf
sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf
sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf
sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf
sdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhdfghjhgfdsadfghjklkjhgfdsasdfghjklkjhgfdssdfghjklkjhgfdsdfghjklkjhgf

no matter how i hard i study for it
something is bound to happen.

i spend three retarded days
studying on the damn it momentum.

doing all the tys and yes...

for a moment i was happy and confident.

guess what?

most of the questions that come out was on kinematics (-┏)
and
most of the dynamics questions were from the notes
and tutorials.

those who had studied the tutorials and notes...
will PAWN everybody else ( which sadly refers to me (-┏) )

so what about momentum huh?

well that was the exact question that was going through my mind
when the teacher had announced time up while i cursed in my mind:
" damn they didn't test momentum?! how could that be?!!"
and turned the test paper over to the last page.

and well, unfortunately, saw the momentum question that was easy like hell and worth 4 marks staring back at me.

(-┏)

yes... how could they not test momentum...

to do some calculation,

4 marks out of 25 is 16 out of 100%
and that means 3grades plus one

2010-04-10T10:57:00.002+08:00

promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise and promise

THAT I WILL MAKE A SUPERJUNIOR SKIN FOR 4JIB.

in the june hols that it is....

AND

clash of the titians was surprisingly good^^

that's ofcourse it must be with

wuli meibao shii

and NAE (MINE it means MINE OKAY????) yuting^^

ah... nae yuting really very cute^^

the 3D glass is almost twice her face....

and she stares at me asking:

"What's so funny?!"

Me: *giggles

Yuting: WHAT!!?? DARE LAUGH AT ME ARH!

and that's how i got 2 head punch.

puwakakakak~ i am Self-abusive

i actually like nae yuting this way

keeeee~

Nae.. seemed to have become the surname for yuting...

(-┏)...

me with my nonsense again

and wuli beautiful treasure shii have to stay alone
in the horrible Changing society of RV

actually there is still Yi Jia shii...

but hwaiting^^

let's learn dance on Monday okay?

ah! i am helping wuli meibaoshii to stay ethu in the Changing society^^

aja! physics time now^^

p.s.... i miss heenim oppa.....

and i love his new hair^^

4jib hwaiting^^

2010-04-08T14:28:00.003+08:00

how...

why am i such a....ARGGGG...

people if anyone could offer some discription to my laziness and emm craziness and irresponsible-ness(?) please tell me at the tag board. cause i seriously ran out of words to descrbe myself.

okay maybe some of us are just born to be irresponsible? =/ that it self is a irresponsible statment. cause the one who had said that is trying to run away from the fact that she is irresponsible and that's WRONG. but... hey... we can't change what has happened right? so ya...

this whole irresponsible talk is going no where... well h0ow did it even start? okay basically i was supposed to read physics for the past 3hrs? but instead i watched suju...yes... come to think of it suju is the root to all evill ( muwahahahaaha). and physics test is like next mon?????????

(-┏)...

i am hopeless.

and today when i get back home i have one more video to watch^^ ...okay not that i should be smiling...well not that i can control this excitement afterall it's suju we are talking about here. see? the girl is just not repenting...

again

i am hopeless....

BUT like seriously i am going out of point. my main point of posting today well... is to ... emmm how should i put it... well it's to extend thanks(?) to fellow peers (?) emm...that sound like so weird and formal ( i am starting to blabber again =/)

so i am really touched by CY and wuli meibao shii for the encouragements^^ so kind of them to say nice things to me....well not like i don't deserve this or something... wakakak...just look at my popularity...^^

(-┏)...

hopeless hopeless ( did i even spell this correctly? should it be hopeless?)

the main point is i have been like less like myself ( which is kind of good?) this few days...emm okay days? but that's just because i have other things to worry. and that i am just always that little bit to senstive... hahahs... *sweats upon lying* hehe

friends have been good... but i guess i have been making them feel awkard around me? cause of things that happened it's just a bit hard for me to be opened up and make friends whole hearted-ly with lots of love? cause i kind of don't bother about people that much anymore? ( do i make sense... i guess not. it's just difficult to explain....) and ya i can be pleasant ( usually though sometimes i annoys them =/) around people. but it's hard to treat them as my friends???

STOP. okay this isn't where it should be going...

actually all i wanted to say is that i am really touched that friends cared about the annoying weirdd and emm.... _________ (fill in the blanks your self ) me ^^

so ya^^ thankyou^^ and hugs with lots of love

wow... that's my crapping skills.... i am the best at this

(-┏)...

hopeless hopeless hopeless....

btw... i am having new story ideas...
from GP lessons! james bulger casse...hmm... it's really interesting^^

2010-04-05T20:24:00.002+08:00

她一而三再而三的做出这种事，我已经提不起精神去说原谅

我一而三再而三的做出这种事，她已经提不起精神去说原谅

后来才发现原来沉默，是到达遗忘的最好途径。

2010-04-05T20:15:00.000+08:00

当你一个人无助的时候，只要想着明天一定会更好。

因为今天是别人帮你决定，明天将由你自己做主。

所以请把明天活的更好。

因为孩子，你是最棒的不要哭泣

没有人值得你纯真的眼泪

2010-04-04T18:10:00.002+08:00

hmmm.... feeling uncertain now...

i really hate word limits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe i should twit this?

2010-04-03T23:15:00.001+08:00

feeling really haebok now^^

i should stop posting!!!!!

2010-04-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

while listening to don't don...
i have decided to forget about the emo-things...^^

let's just say don't don got me to feel that tomoro will be a brighter day altogether ...

random...

but hey

like i always say..

randomness...that's me^^

get's emo easily now a days...
but recovers faster too^^

i won't delete the prior post
cause it's soo long and deleting it is like a waste of time and effort.

okay

but seriously

i need to start on my homework..

^^

2010-04-03T22:37:00.001+08:00

Today is just a bad bad day to begin with.

Well actually it only started with a headache. Nothing significantly bad.

Bu then…. When I was trying to finish up on my horrible story, one of the customers called and asked about her good which seemed to be nonexistent. Ya.. so Sharon called me and it seemed like there was a major hole in the blog shop's nonexistent treasury. Supposed that was my fault?.. well I guess so. I mean really, who other's fault would it be if I was the that had taken over the dec orders? But seriously I don't really care if I had to pay the money or apologies or anything. I am just afraid how Sharon will look at me. I mean I messed this up right? And got Sharon in to this. I really feel bad. And I am afraid that she will be angry. She isn't now… though her mother seemed to be pretty pissed. She said that we have to discuss this on mon. ya. So I really hope I can some how make up for this? Hais… I am really sorry.

Okay then I kind of finished the stupid story, cut away all the parts that I wanted to include and squeezed all the other important part which I had no idea how to write , but the whole point is, I finished. And ya, not counting that I had overshot by like 1.5k words???????????????? Okay the whole point is, after I finished I was really trying to get people to read it. Don't ask me why I did that. But I did. I mean ya I wanted comments so I could improve and everything, but I admit I simply just wanted people to read it. Why do you write f people even don't read? And then… I got CY to read it. She didn't have the time to finish it. Then I got some other to read it. And god they couldn't keep their eyes on it for like more than ten minutes…..zzzzz….. to be honest, that really hurts me. before I had wanted to show anyone I was already feeling bad for my story. Cause I feel it's just like a pathetic nothing, and after I got people to read it….it just made me feel like deleting the whole thing away.

But then again…it's like my fault right? I can't write something worth other's attention. I am just wasting my time.

So ya…to end off… I still haven't started on my PI which I must kindly remind myself, was due on Thursday. Not mentioning I have to finish the stupid CLIT character analysis and start on maths and the Chinese writing competition.

But that brings me back to the whole point of why enter a competition and waste your time when you are not capable of writing…zzzzzzzz

(-┏)..

I just feel so shit today.

Fine I am going to read that piece of crap one more time and try to cut it shorter… than I could count one hw down and send it to mrs tan. Then I am going to bathe and ya start on math clit then hopefully PI tomoro…..zzzz….zzz

Hais…..

Is yuting's emo-ness spreading to me…

Oh ya.. .which reminds me…how am I going to show that shit to others…

I was still hoping elit ppl like shawn yun huan would read it….

(-┏)..

2010-04-03T14:20:00.001+08:00

i feel sooooooo shit

arrrrggggggggggggg~

sorry sharon T_________________________T

2010-04-02T19:41:00.001+08:00

OMOOOO~~~~~~

HEECHUL GOT HIS HAIR CUT!

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY^^

SOOO SOOO HAPPY
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA~

2010-04-01T08:53:00.001+08:00

i really like don't don.... *shakes and bangs head*

SJ TWO^^
LIKE YEAH~~

and twins is also nice^^

*dance like octopus*

2010-04-01T08:32:00.000+08:00

혼
soul

희미해져 불어오는 바람결에
熹微的霞光还有那呼啸着的冷风

검게 탄 입술조차 차갑게 얼어붙어만 가는데
这寒冷已将炙热的嘴唇凝结成坚冰

아무런 말조차 꺼낼 수 없는 슬픔이
无法言喻的悲伤

다가오며 보이지 않는 아픔에
仿若无形的痛楚

어둠이 내게 스밀 때
在黑暗中一点一点将我侵蚀

사랑할 수 없게 되어버린 내 안의 하늘아
我的心啊已经无法再去爱了

조금 더 있게 해달라 애원하며 바래도
即使是恳求想要再多一点时间

이대로 떠나갈 수 없어서 흩어진
已经渐渐湮没消失的我

내 조각들을 찾으려 해도 안 되나 봐
越来越感觉不到那魂魄的所在

빛이 더 흐려지잖아
只剩下微弱的光

널 정말 사랑할 수 없게
我真的不能再爱了

되어버린 내 안의 하늘아
因为这爱已经让我失去了自己的天空

조금 더 있게 해달라 애원하며 바래도
虽然恳求着还想要再多一点时间

영원히 날 추억할 수 있게 네게
好让你成为我最刻骨铭心的回忆

원한다 해봐도 이젠 날 잊어갈 너이기에
现在开始要试着忘记你

조금씩 멀어져 가는 너의 닿을 수 없는 그 숨결이
离开你到你的气息不能到达的地方

하늘로 떠난 내 영혼을 끝내 울게 만들잖아 안녕
让我哭泣着的灵魂的已前往天堂再见

wuli heenim really knows how to write lyrics...^^

2010-04-01T08:05:00.000+08:00

photo bucket 진 짜싫어.......

!@#$^&^%$

(-┏)..

어떻게

오! +.+

2010-03-31T18:48:00.000+08:00

okay so this is like the sixth time through out this week that i opened this stupid damned blogger window and tried to type something a.k.a the impossible task of updating the stupid blog, and so for the sake of all my prior efforts, i declare that i shall complete a full post today with out closing the window and delete away the few pathetic words. well if that was hard to comprehend, in easy sensible words it would mean that i will definitely update today.

which of course by now, i realize i has succeeded.

just back from Subway with meibao shii... and okay i shall not talk about the double cheese sand witch and the double chocolate chip i ate is going to make me more of a pig than now, because what i have eaten, i have no ways to get them out.

correction.

i am in no mood to dig my throat now so i have to wait for at least a few hours before i can pass they out....

the real point here is that i had my dinner with wuli busy meibao shii and found out that yuting is not the only inspiring person in the world.
just to side track a bit, yuting had un-tangled a knot in my story plot, after which i offically named her, my inspiring adviser.

back to meibao shii being inspiring. this time it isn't really a problem with my stupid childish stories but with my PI. okay it isn't actually me having major problems with PW... it's just that i didn't think my idea was perfect and i felt there was a missing link somewhere. then miracle wavered it self in to my head and did wonders after i ate with meibao shii... hmm.. well to think of it she didn't really kind of give me any idea... or even comments, well that is not taking the " that a pretty good idea" line she said with her mouth full of cookies, in to consideration.

but just some how, after talking and eating with her, i can map out the whole idea with all the connections and links in my head now... maybe that's the magical part of wuli " beautiful treasure"? she inspires people with no intentions at all and with out even saying anything related... 0.0 o..well. that isn't really like yuting who helps because she is knowledgeable, but kind of one level higher, because wuli mei bao just some how does the wonder and gives you the inspiration?

well... everyone had their ability and talents i guess...

2010-03-25T21:50:00.000+08:00

hmm... what do i like about this blog?
nothing really....(-┏)
cause all my personality is removed from it.
well except the heenim pic of course....

hahahs actually today come and blog because of the cute pic i found^^

DONGHAE SHII^^

정말 귀엽다~♡

왜~
세계에 많은 꽃미남 ...

하지만

나 측면 아니오

(-┏)

... ....

and that's why i can't concentrate on my studies

희철 죄인 이
한경 죄인 이
동해 죄인 이
시원 죄인 이
슈주 죄인 이
케이-팝업 죄인 이

마지막。。。

장카이 최대 죄인 이 T_T

하지만!

i have decided this time! (+ +)/
i will study hard to go into a good uni^^

i wan go king's college(+ +)/

hais...but my brain...

my laziness...

zzzz...

(-┏)

never the less i will try^^

Keeeee....

omo...

i should stop looking at Donghae
and think he is absolutely cute and handsome

cause he is anyway^^

~♡

2010-03-21T21:39:00.000+08:00

i am debating if i should post in perfect English... or just random sentence like the translated cy of heenim...

then again

there is not need to debat

since i am not in the mood now

and is seriously short of time

i was suppose to research for clit...

but suddenly wants to blog

for i have been having this though ever since...

emmm...

let's see...

tuesday after the bbq?

then being me, myself, my truthful self,

i am always to lazy

so ending up

on this semi emo day to come here and tell just one crazy thing.

i want some one to love

right be side me.

=/

it's like how all of a sudden heenim wants to get married and have kids

when before this he don't even touch kids

and hated girls.

random-ness speaks to me.

and it told me

jiayi it's time to get some....

LOVE.

(-┏)

why... why i am even saying this...

why am i always like this...

2010-03-18T20:16:00.000+08:00

i really feel depressed like hell.

it's like why must i still be stuck with bsp.

it took all my time away

i really stressed right now and doing nothing seems to be right.

2010-03-16T15:40:00.000+08:00

korean bbq is nice^^

sleepy now...so maybe i will rant later....

then again that's if bsp don't drive me nuts first..

zzzz....

(-┏)

2010-03-15T20:16:00.000+08:00

just to follow up.... tumblr is a bad bad idea....

so live journal?

2010-03-15T19:50:00.000+08:00

i will move!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but where??????

어디가야?

진짜!@#$^&^%$

싫어.......

(-┏)..

2010-03-15T19:46:00.001+08:00

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............

the skin won't work the the way i want it to work...

zzzzzzzzzz......

(-┏)...............

the side bar gif is really cool

2010-03-15T13:27:00.000+08:00

hohoho~
changed skin...
actually... is change back the skin =.=...
nevertheless the mood here is better now?
hahas

i really hate back skins....

hmm...

so this thing is still not done yet...

got to change the pictures above
and
the colors...

well...

now feeling head alittle dizzy from physics...

so gota go sleep first

and we will see when have the time to change the rest of the skin

^^

heenim roxxx

love his attitude on stage~~~

*sing a man in love and walking way*

when nothing feels right.

2010-03-10T18:03:00.000+08:00

in a emotional collapse now...

nothing really happened.

just can't stop feeling nothing is going right.

and ya... can't blog much either.

and the damn annoying music in my blog... i will remove it.

sorry guys not going to answer the tags anytime soon... so maybe just wait alittle? in the process of running away from reality now.

if anybody would wana try...try cheering me up...zzzzz

why does everything feel so wrong when nothing has happened? oh wait.... is my menses coming? na... not any time soon...

Names is a ghost… and I kind of learnt to live with that.

2010-03-06T20:11:00.001+08:00

Grammatical error… names (plural) can't use is…. =.=

Something is seriously wrong with me.

2010-03-06T20:09:00.001+08:00

Yes. I guess we all know this, that I am constantly mentally unsound.

But this time I do not mean it in the psychologically way. I mean it the biological way and to be specific the fault I believe this time lies in my gullet stomach and intestines. I am, everyone, suffering from yet another "exciting" gastric attack…. Hmmm interesting. I have failed to notice when it started, but mange to get the signal that it's really in a chaotic situation now. For every bite I take of my pathetic dinner just now, my stomach throbbed and threatened to kill me with that pain. Hmmmm… how interesting. And so I tried to recall… it seems that for the past…. Around two weeks? For everything I eat I will bear consequences… and when I say consequence, I meant it the painful and emm… generally unpleasant way. (shall not gross any one out with the details…)

Well now it not about the eating anymore. It's about not eating actually.

Because first of all even if I don't eat, this constant uncomfort stays in the stomach. For everything I do, I can feel this irritating degree of queasiness in the abdomen. It's not really enough to get me running to the toilet for most of the times (but for some of the other times, yes) yet it is not easy for you to bear with it either. It's a really annoying pain that leaves your sweat prickling your skin (I prefer if there is no sweat at all, but mind you… the itchiness of prickling sweat is nothing better than sweat pouring down your body after P.E) and gets you fidgeting around knowing nothing better to help. That for all I know is nothing better leaving in hell…….

And secondly, I started to notice the pathetic ( okay maybe I should stop using pathetic since pathetic is a pathetic word to replace small with and it's pathetic to keep using pathetic like I have no other words in my pathetic knowledge and creativity) amount that I am eating. But that's a good thing anyway… my horrendous appetite is finally getting smaller, I mean like FINALLY, which kind of means that it's time to save money, which kind of also means that it's time to slim down, which just totally translates in to good…

Still something is kind of worrying me… yes…

Wait did I mention that none of this appetite crap is psychological…. Oppps………..

Hmm… need to finish bi-cow… before I seriously get's psycho-ed…^^

I go crazy because of you

2010-02-28T19:18:00.001+08:00

I am crazy.

…yes oh I am really crazy alright… since I think all the things I write are pretty sick….oh ya! I like sick songs too^^

Today not in the mood to babble…cause got more important things. Just want to say two things.

First.

I hate facebook. Really I hate it.

Second.

It has been awhile since I found out that 242 loops around pioneer roads. It passes the station near my house twice. Once at the station on the left, and comes back 15 minutes later to the right. Ya. To illustrate how crazy I am, I like to alight at the second station, and goes back home 15 minutes later each day. It's just nice to see all the sceneries maybe? Well, luckily me that I didn't notice this during the days in sec3 and 4… or else I would have spent 15 more minutes on the road each day wouldn't I? Definitely ya….

Well, since it's late and things have past… then may they past and rest peacefully ^^

Oh ya… on the side note…

I love t-ara and their new song I go crazy because of you^^

I am so freaking er….-out by my mother who is spying on me…

2010-02-26T21:32:00.001+08:00

Okay maybe she isn't spying but but but I CAN FEEL HER STARES 0.0. sounds like I am some… em… what's the word?...paranoid…. yah sounds like I am a very paranoid kid. Yes I am. And that's all because of my mother. Or maybe not. It's a combination of wanting and craving (well is that like the right word? You crave for food right? So… I guess it's the same feeling along the line of bimbos craving for strawberries and chocolates, drug addicts craving for their heroin and…yah well you get the idea) to watch T-ARA's new mv and not being able to watch it now because of my scary mother.

I AM CRAZY BECAUSE OF YOU.

Yes that's the one.

And it serious suit the theme of me being watched now.

Well after the Bo Beep song I am kind of into T-ara. The seductive and cute? Style. Ya the cat paws and ears, shaking the butt and everything is really working for me. So I had T-ara replaced 4minutes in my constantly changing list of favourite female Korea bands. ( well I know you really don't want to know because probably you had known already but too bad I am still declaring this – suju had been the top of my male artist group for like…forever long already?^^) Yah… kind of interested in their new song. Then came the controversy of the don't-know-which-member-cause-i-just-gotten-to-like-them-and-is-yet-to-remember-their-names girl from T-ara splitsopen her legs in the MV and fans think that t-ara is being too overly bad on screen. That made me really interested in watching the MV. Plus the fact when I just realise heechul has added the song to his blog, it had been stamped with a must-watch that instant.

BUT BUT BUT.

I forget the fact is everybody has a mom. But none of them is as irritating as mine. So now the youtube page is opened and the mv is loading but I just don't dare to switch to that window and watch. Cause I don't know when my mother will pop in and… well... " CHECK MY PROGRESS ON THE PROJECT"… ya so is better to watch it in school. That contributes to prove my whole point of working and getting the money and buying a mac book ( okay maybe that doesn't prove why it has to be a mac book but it just HAS to be.)

That brings me to another point.

Earning money.

I had this stupidest idea of writing to earn $$. I mean okay it makes sense… cause not like doing maths questions or solving physics will earn you any money… language is the only thing that can earn you $$ and can serve as a job on its own. BUT ME WRITING?! WITH MY STANDARD OF ENGLISH AND CHINESE?!!!!!! THAT'S LIKE 98% IMPOSSIBLE. FINE. So what if I write all the time and I love writing and sometimes consider that I should inspire to be a writer? It still doesn't make any of these sensible. Simply because

INTEREST =/= SUCCESS =/= TALENT.

Ya. That's sad. And that's FACT.

Furthermore. It's a competition where judges are freaks and the people wining are even freakier and none of them is as nice as people like wickedlove shii and anothersujufan shii whom generally only offers good comment and nice comforts….. That's even better.

Then why do I still want to participate?

Well… cause trying is better than not? And well I am kind of crappy, chatty and chirpy ( like I am now)nowadays and I just can't stop myself from hanging out with wonderful friends and talk like a bimbo. After a long period of emo-ness and everything, the bimboticly-happy-simply-because-she-is-a-bimbo-or-slash-inspire-to-be-one jiayi is back^^….so all these chirp chirp chirp syndrome is good? Then I should just write everything down instead of chirping so much and making everybody hate me cause I am really loud sometimes and don't use commas and fullvstops till a point even I think it's annoyingly long… … ( takes a big breath)…. … … Ya I should just write and not make noise and be quiet though it's still very irresponsible to spam all my chirpiness and bimbo-ness online in my blog, but it's still kind of better to do this here then to a friend right? Ya… I kind of guess so? Hehe…

Ya. So the conclusion for today is

Don't watch the MV
And start on the crappy story….

Okays…. Just one last thing.

The story is going to be about genius hankyung and innocent heechul ( well that's if the teacher will not give me the look if she sees my first draft)

some random-ness

2010-02-21T00:29:00.000+08:00

creepy.

i don't know why i am updating now ( though i really thought of this beforehand and had alot of things to share...still it's kind of off to blog now...cause i can't even see the keys of the laptop. okay maybe it's just i think i ought to share the awesomeness of 变形记with my future self.. so i decide to record it here.

future jiayi, if you by any chance is reading this....变形记is a stage drama and it's awesome.

okay i kinda finished what i want to say.^^

going off to wash my smelly feet and sleep.

btw... i think i am moving to LJ soon... it's just that i wouldn't have a tag board then...zzzz

Words kiss sun shinny tears with warm hearted smiles ^^

2010-02-19T01:27:00.001+08:00

The time runs through the slits of memories like water, as smooth as silk.

The time runs through the colors of emotions like water, as smooth as your beautiful expressions.

At 25 –

Heechul saw the world and heard the leaves rustle for the first time. But he always knew it was like this. He was a very imaginative child indeed.

I know the world I always claimed. In my imagination I see you colored and hear you sing.

At 5 –

Heechul was a sick sick child.

You ran through the tall grassed field, faster than the kite that was soaring high. You sweat and you kiss sun shines with warm hearted smiles. You stood in front of me tinted red by the disappearing sun, you hugged me and you smelled like baked apples in peach halves.

At 10 –

Heechul still pees in the bed, but most of the time the pillows are wet from the tears

You float in my tears, lighter than a belle's fine grey hair. You breathe and you dream flying starry lights in wondering skies. You lie beside me painted in deep purple hues by the singing moon, you snored soft to the melody and you carried a scent of mango ice-cream with passion fruit swirls.

(to be continued…)

I wrote this early in the dawn because I had searched for inspiration the whole day, but only stumbled across these words at the last few minutes of the night. It was supposed to be some one-short fanfic but in the end it ends up in the heaps with its fellow unfinished writings. And to think of it I had a strange and strange idea for this beautiful and beautiful beginning ( aleast I think it is). And I just here by randomly decids to share with you the story^^.

WARNING- YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER IN TO FANGIRL-DOM (if that word makes sense) AND ABOUT TO VIEW CONTENTS THAT IS ONLY SUITABLE FOR THE MINOR.

HEECHUL SIDE OF THE STORY

So the plot was that Heechul is born blind and deaf, well not completely but he can only hear sounds as thuds and see images as color patches with no defining lines. He is medicated since small and lives in the hospital. He rebels and took on a run when he was only five, and magically from that day on wards he found a gift in the tall grass fields that kept him company for the next 20 years – his vivid and powerful imagination.

He imagined something undefined, maybe a more beautiful nurse, maybe a more caring doctor, maybe an angel without wings. He wasn't sure and need not know. All he knows is that this thing he came up with in the mind makes him feels all better being blind deaf and unfortunate. As he grew up he plays with his imagined being, he sleeps with it, cries to it, vents his anger on it, kiss it, kick it , hug it, curse it, but can never stop seeing it a patch of wonderful and beautiful spat of scented colours in the eyes. That's what he likes about it.

Eventually, a boy in his ward died of cancer and donated his eyes and ears(?!!!!! Oh well….) to Heechul. Heechul's wish of hearing the world right and seeing it accurately comes true. He saw the colourful world, but is taken back when it appeared to be less colourful as he have seen( or sort of seen) it to be. The colours in reality is much paler than the colours of his imagination. Heechul got his reality, and lost his "something" in the imagination world internally.

HANKYUNG SIDE OF THE STORY

Hankyung is a kid good at maths. His expertise is counting. Because literally from the day he was born, he was counting down to his days left. He is a kid born with terminal disease. He didn't know what hope is because no one taught him that, so technically he would not lose hope when he didn't have one to begin with. All he has to do every day was a routine, that is living to count to his due date.

It was until he was 7 a kid was transferred to his ward. The kid was perfectly healthy only that he couldn't hear nor see.

Hankyung wanted to make friends with him; of course he got ignored, because the latter couldn't hear him. So he observed the beautiful young kid. And he realise that this kid is different, the kid had fought when the doctors tried to give him an injection and spat out his medication. The kid didn't surmise to this life of illness and misery. The kid has hope.

There was once the kid ran out of the hospital and only Hankyung saw him. Hankyung chased after him. And it was raining and luckily Hankyung brought the big red umbrella and they hid under it. Their world was red and the kid stretched out his hands and hugged him.

From then observing and protecting the kid becomes a life to Hankyung.

Hankyung still follows the kid when he tries to escape from the hospital, he sleeps in the bed beside him and watch him cry, he talks to the him never get replies, he lets him bashes him when he was unhappy about taking his medications, he shouts at him yet there is still no reply. One final day the kid kissed him. And then another fine day, the kid kicked him on the calves. The kid hugged him, while he cursed him. But no matter how bad the kid seemed to treat him, he can't stop being with him.

They grew up together.

Hankyung wish they could just stay like this.

Yet he knew the kid wished for vision and hearing.

Hankyung had granted all he can to the kid, how could he leave out this one last important job?

Before he donated his organs, he suddenly had an urge to hope. To hope that the kid will somehow remember him. He shouts at the kid, pull the kid's arms and did everything, and yet everything failed.

And that's how Hankyung gets forgotten eternally, as if he never existed.

Well, who is Heechul's imagined "something" and who is hankyung's childhood friend is for you to infer… =)

I normally don't do this in words or on blogs because it's difficult to write a summery for my complicated plot and I always finds good friends like well… you know yourselves so I shall not name, it's just more interesting and satisfying that way and too emo to share it here in words right here. Still I have decided to try for the first time, It's not like I finally ran out of listeners, because I am sure even most of my stories are naggy and boring and I don't even know why friends bother, there will still be nice souls beside me that will be willing to listen. All my friends are good listeners. It's just that I am feeling kind of off now, well as usual, and would really like to forget about this pinch of off-ness in the vessel by writing.

Words soak tears dry for me.

This might sound emo but again I must say it's only metaphorically. Besides I don't really want to be emo now because of two things.

One is that promised in a game deal that I would be brave, and two is that I found no matter how you think life is going to wither in the sadness, it eventually won't. after the tears are dried life will run normally ( and this time it's literal), be it physically like what writers like to say, the world will still revolve and all kind of that stuff, or psychologically. You will feel better after all the drama and crying.

Maybe not as good as before but much better.

Oh ya… if you happen to read this… please tag? And emm… tell me if I should continue? ^^

Cy is the last i ever talked to nicely. cause other's don't deserve.^^

2010-02-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

hmm so i was kinda sourcing information to take over the emo posts that are still looming in my head right now... and something interesting popped up in my head. you got to believe me this is interesting.

okay, so the story goes that after years and years of trying to convince strangers on msn to stop bothering me cause i ain't interested in anything that's related to others really, i forecast that more pests are going to join in the party along the way and it isn't going to help by just telling them that you don't give them a damn.

and really, when i was tell this to my friends, they were like :" HUH? then just don't give them a damn and block them."

...

well i kinda of admit that's like the simplest way... but some how i didn't do it that way... perhaps it's because i chose the fun way :)

i chose to scare the earthlings that convey to them that i bite ^^ this naturally gets them off my back.

to illustrate my point on what serious fun can the above method bring to you... let me show you part of the conversation right now...

Jack says:
*age sex language
me says:
*58 gay english ^^

after a long silence .....

Jack says:
*oh
*u from singapore

me says:
*no india

believe me that was the last time i never need to talk to him again^^

zzz....

fine i admit i am alittle loose in the head today... i sound exceptionally mean... =.= maybe i should go back to the good old days of the emo posts...

but there is really exceptions to everything... i guess i am just going to find anybody as good as him anyways...

this is a whole pieace of random shit...

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

2010-02-11T18:27:00.000+08:00

expectations
all i wana be is some thing simple and sweet.
all i wana be is some thing that i can't be

我有病

2010-02-02T20:09:00.001+08:00

我有病

没错是神经病

如果随便一个路人甲说一些无关紧要的话就能让我这样

我只能说

张嘉懿他妈的是个自虐的疯子

就爱作践自己

越贱的事情做的还越起劲。

我操。

我真的有病。

2010-02-01T18:12:00.000+08:00

zzz... this few days feeling like a bad person.

very easily offended and offend ppl easily.

walking everywhere with head tilted at a 20 degree upwards ( like how i used to when i was in the sec1 and 2 days)

like a knife... sharp and dangerous.

i don't know what's really going on inside me. so friends, please forgive me^^

and and school started long ago, not long from now is the first test. good news for the wubber LAZY knife...

wubber is a word tt Wuli Meibao cii invented. started using it some how the instant after the first time knowing it...just like the emoticon ^^ from Sharon unni.

feels pathetic about always borrowing stuff and never been able to follow the trend on my own.

Meibao rabbit bag, Jia Jia. my fiancee HAN HAE CHUL CHUL

Meibao Yuqing chocolate. my crave LG BL20

Yi jia interesting book. i wants to read more

Yuting and Melody jie hardcore and chionging before every teacher reaches. Me trying to be hardworking as well, but of course failed.

maybe this is part of my insecurity doing it's bad deed.

i just wan to follow up and be together with my friends.

because from experiences, bliss are bubbles, light and flies high, then pop, nthing is left.

having nightmares ,metaphorically, about being abandoned by angry Yuting...

how random...

Mei bao Yi jia Sharon cii told me that i was just being silly...

i wonder when will these bubbles pop?

hais... getting emo?

maybe. because i still have tonnes of maths to do...

supposed to have finished in free period, but wrote nonsensical crap instead.

shall post the crap for a laugh sometimes later.

and reading through this long randomness, i found my self talking in weird grammar and phrasing
if you do not know... i just suddenly felt like writing in Heechul-cy-translations-tone..

all his cy sounds like this after being translated

so this is kinda like Kor-glish?

emm... though not possible, still wana say if "the-person-i-am-having-in-mind-and-decided-aganist-using-his-name-to-minimize-any-unintentional-damage" in anyway and any slightest chance is reading this... i won't ask him to ~~fuck~~ get off

but i just want to say that each individual has the right.

so i don't really mind that you don't like korea/korean/SJ/k-pop/fill in the blanks____

and i don't really mind that you speak in awful chinese with bad vocab and grammar usage

nor do i really care that about the standards of your chinese after you had learnt it for like...emm... let me count...

forget it.

just let's say it's longer than the time i had to achieve my lousy English standards.

as sarcastic as this is going to sound, but i really, sincerely don't mind. i swear to all gods and goddess i don't mind your flaws

because like i said i am an individual so i wouldn't know alot of things and you are an individual so you have the right to do/like alot of things that you choose.

well that is if it don't really offend others.

i know offend is really a vague word.

but i guess making what you don't like known to the whole world LOUDLY and REPEATEDLY ( like what i am doing now) is really offensive sometimes ( s0 my apologies to any harm done in advance.)

so yes yes we know you don't like this...and thinks this is blah blah blah blah... that sounds so tah tah tah...this should be dah dah dah dah...you can't be bee-bee-bee-bee...

whatever. but please spare me from all this? ^^

so please also forgive me that i am ineffective and ineffient in using english, likes korea related topics and am being physically rounder than what i should have been...

how ever i must admit that i should buck up on my english...cause i am really starting to like the language

but i can never get the grammar and vocab right...so sometimes i am thankful Nat, HuiYing, Dom, well yes yes... a new member to the list, Shawn, for being there consistantly reminding me...^^

i need friends like this ^^

but "the-person-i-am-having-in-mind-and-decided-against-using-his-name-to-minimize-any-unintentional-damage" is still a good classmate really, well ironically because of how brave and true he is to voice out to the authorities and how some times his snide remarks are actually quite witty and funny

it's just that sometimes he goes like a gun and you wish he could be quiet or totally not there for a moment.

well in fact 5N is really a cool class and i love all my classmates. i think they are generally cool

i take back all the things i told Yuting and Melody jie this afternoon... i guess i was just being not my self...

i am alittle too selfish/sensitive this week...

wow... i totally didn't see this chunk of emotional/reflective talk coming... it's just coming out of the random.. and random remarks can be mean sometimes... and mean random remarks are never true... so for the mean parts of the emotional speech up there please ignore it because i was just trying to squeeze out a long long post for the blanks i have left in the past week on blogger....

feeling unexceptionally calm and wanting-to-do-maths now^^

my suju 13+2

my metal bubble gang

my 5N

Hwaiting!

and yes yes for those who don't like korean

good luck

and for those who can't or don't want to understand my horrifying english

加油

and for those who's chinese isn't that good...

i am sorry... i don't know any other languages...

emmm...maybe

*gambatei?

* i am not a jap pro so i am not sure about the jap-english translation and stuff....so ya....

The change of 5 years met in the library

2010-01-23T21:16:00.001+08:00

What is happening

What was I becoming

I opened a book, the name that was of mystery,

I heard the lines opening.

I fly in my dreams every night,

When I was little I could fly without being a sleep;

Now I can't even I practised and practised

The lines read itself in the head looping,

In the same voice my heart sang desiring the book instantly

Yet I closed it back without deciding,

I was afraid the author hadn't finish composing,

The tale of age's well-know tragedy,

Like the letter to me that the girl living in the pages never completed writing,

With the ink slipped off the blank piece of reality,

I heard words chanting in the midnight secretly,

Answering,

What was happening to me,

What am I becoming,

All too sincerely.

i started a joke

2010-01-16T23:41:00.000+08:00

I started a joke which started the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me, oh no
I started to cry which started the whole world laughing
Oh If I'd only seen that the joke was on me.

I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
'Till I finaly died which started the whole world living
Oh If I'd only seen that the joke was on me

I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
'Till I finaly died which started the whole world living
Oh If I'd only seen that the joke was on me
Oh no that the joke was on me

every thing is like a joke

a joke that is too practical for the people involved to laugh about it

a joke that was too mean

a joke that didn't come to a end with giggles

a joke that drowned in tears

a joke that started perhaps the whole world crying

a joke that perhaps landed me out of the bed

ended me out of the dreams

ended me with a bruise over the head

if only

life could see

that this joke was mean

if only

people could see

that this joke didn't make much of the sense

if only
the wondering could see

that this was just a joke only

then the joke would make perfect sense.

because a joke is a joke

roaming in it's pathetic circles

like the song looping in the background

it can't escape from the fact that it's merely a joke

because the song was called "i started a joke"

it could only be reminded

that it was started

and never naturally funny.

whatever said.

it could only be a joke.

because

every thing is like a joke

a joke that is too practical for the people involved to laugh about it

a joke that was too mean

a joke that didn't come to a end with giggles

a joke that drowned in tears

a joke that started perhaps the whole world crying

a joke that perhaps landed me out of the bed

ended me out of the dreams

ended me with a bruise over the head

if only

life could see

that this joke was mean

if only

people could see

that this joke didn't make much of the sense

if only
the wondering could see

that this was just a joke only

then the joke would make perfect sense.

because a joke is a joke

roaming in it's pathetic circles

like the song looping in the background

it can't escape from the fact that it's merely a joke

because the song was called "i started a joke"

it could only be reminded

that it was started

and never naturally funny.

whatever said.

it could only be a joke.

because
:
:
:
:
:
:

what if

2010-01-07T11:08:00.000+08:00

so like nuni is expanding her heart yet again...

and

so i was thinking

now that SJ is on the brim to a dismissal

WHAT IF it really happened..

then who am i suppose to turn to..

and being a person that is always on time...

(HEY! stop throwing eggs at me! okay find so what if i was always late for outings? i am on time in situations like this okay!)

i had come up with a list of possible ppl who will fill my heart when SJ is gone.

1. 2pm?

hohoho~ there isn't really any shuai ge... and they not berli famous...but but
nickun is dashing!
and and
their songs very cool
and and and
their dance even better.

2. BIGBANG?
emm...
okay...
i kind da admit that i had gotten over the OHMAYI thing
and
started to listen to alot of their songs...
their style is very cool...
but then again..
very fixed. and expected.
which means...
no surprises from BB

3. SHINEE?
ya... too young for me the NUNI....

4. U-KISS?
i don't know anything about them..
but heard one of their songs..
not bad.
and watched only that movie...
quite dashing...
ALL/ ALOT BLONDIES/SHUAI GE!!!!
but their dance is like...so so lor....

5. 4MINUTES?
emm...i am not really in to girl bands...

so there you go the complete list...

then again i have just waste another post...

because all of this is unlikely.

not because the fact i insist in believing SJ won't dismiss.
nor is it really the ones mentioned above isn't great enough.

it's just that i have trouble expanding my tiny heart...

when i already got SJ

i wont care if they are still SJ

i jut know that it's the 13+2 ppl i like.^^

and ofcourse...

that's already alot...

thinking about it 16 ppl in the heart is alot seriously....

wait...

why 16?

well, if you do the maths...

13+2=15

15+1=16..

you guessing who's the one?

do you even need to guess?

ofcourse it's him~

SHOW SAN ^^

new year bad hair

2010-01-05T10:02:00.000+08:00

YA!!!!!!!!!!!!

my sucker hair =.="

why did i cut it =/

btw~~~~
yuting ! i am comming ^^

The noon ; 2PM

2010-01-01T10:07:00.000+08:00

in to 2PM suddenly...

not the time of the day.

but them....

okay none of them is really hot ( maybe except Nikun)
but it seems JPY had done it again with his clever packaging and compositions...

HEART BEAT....

is such a nice song...

it's a song composed with a person's actual heartbeat.

so is Again and again.

still... suju dominates my world^^

and i kind of have to credit Sharon...

i realized that i had borrowed ^^ from her and is using it almost all the time.

it has already replaced my =}

hhohoho

so thanks ^^

1：59 PM

2009-12-31T09:50:00.000+08:00

박동

the douts.

2009-12-24T14:11:00.000+08:00

인사~

우리재중씨 정말 잘 들리

^^

calmed down and took a trade of shoes

2009-12-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

what will i do under all those circumstances?

would i have back out almost instantly

or would i have stayed and kept quite like i imagined myself to do so

maybe i would be like him.

endure to the point that all endurance breaks.

but i wouldn't know

cause i wasn't wearing his shoes.

what would you have done?

nobody knows.

because they didn't walk his thousand miles.

i am not hankyung.

he is not hankyung

she is not hankyung

you are not hankyung

they are not hankyung

and we can never be hankyung.

so maybe we grief.

but we shouldn't judge.

pissed

2009-12-22T18:34:00.000+08:00

this is perfect.

heechul closed his homepage.

because he needs to hold back on his comments?

or is it because he don't want to see the previous lovely post?

what ever.

screw the man that created all this.

yes even a beast won't bite the hand that feeds it.

13+2 = forever

2009-12-22T01:25:00.000+08:00

heemin changed his Cy to pure black.

black for emotions.

black for his obfuscation

and we all know why.

nothing to joke and laugh about.

i was tired to hell to day...
and yet i was happy.

really happy

not like this for many days in a roll

so happy.

until i switched on my computer and saw it.

Hankyung!

Hankyung?

Hankyung.

please don't.

Hankyung...

just don't

suju13 +2 forever.

loves <3>

To whom that wrote sparkles in the pages of this book

2009-12-18T11:35:00.000+08:00

i smile when i read.

not smiling yet can't feel it.

it's a smile that comes with a choice but no notice

that doesn't stretch you cheeks too much although it stays a little too long lasting

that is kind of just being different from the ones shown to people.

that is different from being happy.

it's a tint.

a tint of temporary bliss following the story plot of the happily ever after.

it's just a scent.

a tail let's left over from the broken yet never regretting love the characters had.

it's almost like a wish.

a wish to hide forever cheated in the world of the words.

it's just a story.

a story written by others about others and read by many others.

but it's life.

life that is

directed by fate

acted by others

and judged by audience.

though in their life

their story

no matter if it ended with happiness
or the last page torn by tears

they had once been smiling.

and will always be satisfied.

though
that's the difference between stories and me.

DongHae Oppa/ Heenim Oppa/ SJ-M oppa/ Show oppa

2009-12-17T10:09:00.000+08:00

i wanted to find a photo of DongHae oppa And show...
but there wasn't...
but that's okay
because you seldom see eetuekie in that look
WAKAKAKA~

\\Interaction between Donghae and Luo xiang//

weirdest yet the cutest ever seen.

i seriously like SJ-M with Show LUO....

it's like a perfect match with things that i ever wanted..

DongHae oppa is soooooo way cute

Yes, it do seem he was on drugss.....

metaphorically

i wonder what will happen.

when Heenim meets SHOW...

just really want to know

i am sooo looking forward to tomoro and the following day's

BAI FEN BAI...

SJ-M is on it

^^

^^

^^

can's stop smiling

^^

as long it's beautiful

2009-12-15T14:17:00.000+08:00

drowning my self in fanfics...

and not really doing anything else.

Love seem so true and pure with just desires in fanfics.

that's because fanfics isn't true.

they are made believes.

i suppose drowning my self in something like that make me believe more.

and that's something i need the most now

it doesn't matter if it's just a believe.

it just doesn't matter

if

it will deflate the next moment

and

be gone tomoro.

as long as it's high and beautiful now

at least i can say

i was happy this moment of time

btw...

i really like dong hae's voice.
and beautiful was composed by him.

and

i really hate g-dragon.

but music is out of boundaries.

trying does not mean it will.

2009-12-14T01:37:00.000+08:00

some every sweet things to cheer up the blog alittle.

^^

FACTS ABOUT HANCHUL

(A.K.A HANKYUNG AND HEECHUL FROM SUPERJUNIOR)

1. HanGeng and HeeChul stay at the same dormitory before their debut and they still stay there together.

2. Then HanGeng came and stays at the same dormitory as HeeChul’s. He was not good at speaking Korean. The one who took care of him and tried to teach him Korean is HeeChul.

3. HeeChul always persuades HanGeng to go shopping together.

4. When they just debut, there were HanGeng’s anti – fans insulting him due to his nationality ( Chinese ). One time Heechul found those anti-fans and actually beat them up! ^^

5. When they live performed “ Twin”, HanGeng was not allowed to perform on the stage because he had a problem with his visa and he couldn’t choose channels to be appear on.He cried and asked his manager that he would use mask to cover his face [ cry in pain, how handsome face could hide behide that mask ] when he performed on the stage. HeeChul’s not satisfied about that so when they performed. He took off HanGeng’s mask. HanGeng tried to avoid from the camera but HeeChul hold him and keep him performing…

6. After a performance, and after they bowed their thanks, Hankyung was hiding behind and Heechul pulled Hankyung out to the front but Hankyung moved back again, so Heechul pulled him forward again and to and fro they did the same action until Heechul couldn’t stand it and hugged Hankyung from the back, so he couldn’t move back anymore.
(this is major sweetness!)

7. In Super Junior’s Diary, [ before HanGeng returning to China] while he was using internet, Hankyung was asking Heechul if he was going to miss him. Then Heechul asked him jokingly if he was ill, then gave him a kiss on the cheek.

8. HanGeng is the only one in Super Junior who is almost 1 year younger then HeeChul.HeeChul told HanGeng that do not to call him his elder brother or talk to him politely and respectly, but he’s very serious about this with other younger members.

9. Heechul likes reading his fan fiction which has the story about him and Hankyung. After reading that, he cannot look at Hankyung. (lol! <333)

10. Heechul always appreciates how Hankyung’s good and great.

11. Heechul likes eating Hankyung’s BeiJing fried rice and Hankyung likes cooking for him too. 12. When Heechul got an accident, Kibum is the one who set the visiting schedule for Super Junior’s member and as the schedule Hankyung visited HeeChul the most.

13. When Heechul came back to the dormitory for recovery, he always told Hankyung to buy white chocolate for him. If Hankyung went home late and forgot buying white chocolate. He would pout.

14. Hankyung’s Korean language’s improved so much due to Heechul’s teaching, especially dirty words.

15. Heechul always asks Hankyung for permission before posting their pictures on cyworld.

16. Hankyung likes sunglasses so much but Heechul likes wearing HanGeng’ s sunglasses more.

17. Heechul said in Hankyung’s Happy Birthday clip that “ Hankyung is like the present from God for him.”

18. Hankyung is only one member who took half naked with Heechul ^^( except Heebum)

19 . Hankyung returned to China (because his visa, in 2007) ,but 9/7 , Hankyung came back Korea and he is the first person who say “happy birthday” Heechul.

20 . Heechul said : his relation with Hankyung is too difficult to explain.

21. Hankyung often bought fans and Chinese QiPao for Heechul.

22. Han's mother like heechul very much ,she usually ask geng to bring foods and other gifts to heechul when geng went back to china.

sooo sweet~~~

i know i would sound like a hentai if i said i suopport hanchul...

but they are just simply meant for each other.

IN CIRCLES AND CIRCLES

2009-12-12T11:22:00.000+08:00

ALL I SEE IS CIRCLES.

sigh...

yes. ask me.

when will i get over this?

perhaps time will.

she will

he will

life will

the world will

everything will

even my memories will

and they will fade...

but i never will.

cause the heart now is just a massive black hole.

that is not moving on.

sallowing the silence

2009-12-06T19:55:00.000+08:00

silence. like it's almost delicious

She talks, chirp brightly about some show that was going on in the little box on the television table, then laughing just almost as cheerfully.

Good.

She is recovering.

I looked up from my pot of noodles and saw her anticipating some thing from me. I pretended to look away, yet saw from the corner of my eyes that her ascending lips slowly slopped down wards.

Was she talking to me?

So maybe okay I was not listening.
My heart fluttered at that though.

Fine. I heard her and insisted on ignoring.

I continued to eat my already soggy noodle and scoped a spoon of blend soup and stuffed it into my mouth.

She did not give up.

She tried again and this time chirped even louder and merrier, then she peeped at me just to see if there was any response.

Looks could talk, and my face just conveyed to her that she had just gotten more and more irritating.

Then it happened.

As if I had ultra-sound ears, I heard it break in her chest.
And it just take human eyes to notice, her expression changed again, reverted back to the droopy look.

The silence I wanted at last filled the air.

I took a deep breath, and sucked in the quite air.

The only thing that i did not want was guilt to fill my oxygen.

The guilty oxygen i took in filled my lungs, then in to the blood stream to my mind,then later it went to the heart.

As if to tell me the atmosphere was too much pressure, my heart skipped almost ten beats in a roll and left me breathless.

I was gasping for air in the awkward silence that I was hoping so much for a few moments ago.

Trying really hard to gain back my breath, I broke the silence in the most "intelligent" way by commenting that the noodles were nice.

Such a wonderful idea.

Better still, she totally ignored me.

Once before just a cell in side her ,and now almost identical to her, i never stop trying like her, so i continued with the praises of the bowl of soggy noodles, only releasing that the words are like basketballs bouncing in an empty court.

It echoed in the dinning room, till it had turned cold.

She stood up.

She got dressed.

She opened the door.

And finally disappeared in to the outside world.

I continued looking at my noodles, the steam of the hot soup misting up my glasses, then making everything look watery rather then blur.

The soup was really too blend, so I decided a few drops of salty liquid added will be fine.

I removed my glasses, only that the vision becomes more wavy and watery, and the world more distorted.

Maybe that's why this happened.

Because even my lies are getting distorted.

My pretendence getting all stretched and worn out.

My mask that had a smile of Monalisa had peeled off.

I couldn't act that I cared less anymore,because the cut had just gone down deeper.

I wondered if she noticed the difference.

Why I had been tastless.

I wondered if she sense the small hatred brewing.

Why I had been like tea, that leaves the bitterness traceless.

But could i have been all that traceless?

After her wounds have been stitched up, I did just about anything for it to heal and leave no mark, even if it was to constantly cut my self with a knife.

And after so much trouble it looks like she is finally healing well, I had to add the seasoning to them.

I wonder why.

Why did i go in circles.

How long then will this new wound take to heal?
Until then, how many more cuts must i suffer?

I do not know.

But there is one thing i know.

I just could not help to wonder what would it be like if she had a better temper, what would it be like if she had never left.
What would it be like if he was a better person and what would it be like if both of them could stand each others mistakes.

What would it be like?

Would it be like some cuddly family that gets all cozy to gather during x'mas.
Would it be like the picture i saw at my friends house.

Or atleast, would it be like normal?

That answer will be left unanswered forever. Because the certainty that thing is as it is, is absolute.

Still i took the rest of the time alone enjoying the though and silence.

After the noodles got cold, and steam stopped misting up the eyes, I put on my glasses, as if it came in a set with my repaired world and a new mask.

i poured the cold soup down the sink, and watched the noodles wiggle their way down the pipe all tangling and in strange shapes.

On the contrary, my world was once again set straight the instant I ordered my brain to smile.

A slight tilt managed it's way up the corners of my my mouth.

And that was dinner.

As it is.

nails. that breaks off

2009-12-04T20:39:00.000+08:00

breaking off.

the nails are breaking off.

the hair is breaking off.

the story is breaking off.
because the mood is breaking off.

the blog shop is breaking off
because laziness can't break off.

the chair is breaking off.
because my weight is breaking off.

happiness is breaking off
because supernatural updates are breaking off.

life it self is breaking off.
as heechul's news updates are breaking off

this means that everything is breaking off
because heenim is one that i can't stand the break off.

so let's sing along to the break off song

since it seems the whole world is breaking off

hais...
my poor nails.

2009-12-03T19:08:00.001+08:00

heenim is really funny...

he is.. trust me.

he can make me roll on the floor just because of his hair.

memoirs of heechul's hair during soli soli performing stage

nice hair actually if you ask me.

quite perfect for the half prince half princess and half demon hee style.

but hee him self say that this looks like

1
1
1
1
V

0.0....

maybe .... since i hee mentioned it...

it does have some resemblance.

so he went to cut his hair....

and become this...

=。=

and with that he wrote a blog post....

yes....

but i do thing that this kimnim's soul hair style is kind of like the squirrel in ice age..

doesn't it?

^^

2009-12-02T12:22:00.000+08:00

wow... i thought i was really very...long since i updated....

but looks like it was just six days.

okay.maybe i am just a little bit to serious i keeping this blog alife

still..

it's kind of not working.

so friends TAG

tag pls

i beg u

begging...

stilll begging

keeeeee.

^^

ignore me. kind mentally sick today.

any hows...

i am starting serious life from today.

ya like i always say i will.

after eating one bowl of kimchi fried rice
(yah! seriously with all this korean dishes how can i slim down?!)
i decieded that i will revert to 4 pieces of toufu a day plan

and try my best to slim down..

keeee.

and....

and....

and....

i am coming up with a new way of earning money!

i am going to be writer!

come on friends! you sure know i could write well!
(emm...you too know that i have these sickness called unstable and Narcissism

so i am starting on a story

and i hereby promiss that i will finish it in two weeks
and summit it to publishers!!!

HAHAHAHA...

and i will be rich...

and i can be what i can be

and ...

and....

and....

OUCH!

i just fall of the bed and woke up from the dreams....

aish....chinja!

life is getting in the way...

but then again it's good to dream right?

so here is a sneak preview of what i have been writing hehehehehehe~

o^^o

《原味美男味觉体验屋》

序

“啊！！！！！！！你给我离远一点！！！！！！~” 一声惊世骇俗的爆吼震动了整个咖

啡厅。

请你不要怪我。

亲爱的上帝爷爷，我有几个诚心的问题想要请教您。如果您被一个道歉能淹死一条狗，

拿一张纸能烧掉一间店，莫名其妙的抢走了您自己荣誉，跟她在一起每三秒会发生一次

事故的惊世骇俗高度危险人物给缠上了，您会有什么反应？

我想问您，如果这些惊世骇俗的事故是发生在您自己的店里，死的是您自己的狗，毁掉

的是您的人生生涯，您会不会想尽办法摆脱这个危险人物？

我再问您，如果您经过了一番挣扎，尽了全力想要甩掉这个人，但努力半天的最后结果

是，这个惊世骇俗的危险人物很可能以后要跟您住上一段时间，您想跟她说的第一句话

会不会是“离我远一点”？

所以我相信您也会觉得一切的火爆脾气，一切的粗暴的行为都是可以被原谅的。

这就是为什么我正在尝试摆出我最无辜的脸，尽最大的努力原谅这位站在我面前两

眼。。。不不不。。。是全身冒火并且举起了双拳，而且刚刚还发出了惊世骇俗吼声的

男士。

毕竟，三天前是我阴差阳错的偷了他的荣衔。><

两前天，是我不小心淹死了他的狗。(-┏)”

昨天，是我真的不是故意的烧了他的店。。。。。。

而今天，也是命运安排我要和他住在一起一段时间。=.=”

所以当他听到这个消息时，如果有什么惊人另类表现欢迎新房客也就是本人的方

式。。。。。。您觉得我是不是应该全盘接受？

可是上帝爷爷啊！

我发毒誓我真的没有想闯进他的人生，践踏他的生命的意思！><

一切都是意外！意外！！！！

所以上帝爷爷啊！请不要惩罚我，让我和这位。。。应该是善良，只是脾气有点火爆的

先生住在一块好吗？ T_T

或许在您下任何定论之前，是否也应该听听当时人的事故的叙述呢？

~continued~

yes yes yes!

it's about cute cakes, wine, coffee and bread.

wait ... did i tell you the most delicious part of the story is not about the cakes?

behold~

the tastiest 6.5 boys are about to appear in town!

try to figure out why it is 6.5....

hehehe

wajajajaja~^^

p.s
i really like the songs playing in my blog now..

heenim and a.n jell^^

2009-11-25T12:54:00.000+08:00

finally the blog shop thing is done....

i am having extreamly bad times now

heenim said that loosing weight will cost serious emotion out breaks
and yes
he is not joking
i am feeling like a knife now...
no mood to joke no mood to do anything

but i still did finish the blogshop stuff....

and plus i am having the hardest of time a girl could have in a month...

so it's double on the bad mood....

zzzz

I CAN SEE THE END

2009-11-24T11:19:00.000+08:00

two things to say today.

first i gained ten kg

second i am going to eat the chocolate nuni bought yesterday now...

chinja......

행복

2009-11-20T19:52:00.000+08:00

정말 행복^^

왜 행복하다고?

그것을 이해에서 온다

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

생명의 이해...

사랑의 이해...

가장 중요한...

행복의 이해

^_^

그런 다음

당신의 행복을 알 수

0^_^0

BOF

2009-11-20T10:04:00.000+08:00

BOF...

A.K.A

Bodyline over Food...

hais.....

i am really hungry (-┏)

hais....

i really i want to slim down(-┏)

it's a body line over food thingy

and it's all about concentration and control.

nobody looks good with fats.
(maybe except kangin and afew others)

not my heechul

not my show luo

and

definatly not me...

zzzz....(-┏)

but why i am still so hungry?

cause i guess i want to eat that pack of instant noodles.

this morning when i woke up......

Noodles on the table: Hey here, your mother just bought me

Me ( alittle shocked):emm... hi...yes....so?

Noodles on the table(evil):so it means that you should eat me, shldn't you?

Me: well....i guess not... since...i need to lose some weight ,you know...

Noodles on the table: O...who cares about weight! besides you look... ... fine

Me: okay... thank you...but you sound abit...like it was a lie.

Noodles on the table: No.. it wasn't actually a lie. i just did not include in your bloated face, distorted tummy, and elephant tights. ya...besides that you look....fine

Me: THANKS ALOT (-┏)

Noodles On the table: Your welcome ^^ Just eat me =) I am "beef-ly" delicious.

Me( swallowing the saliva): NOOOOOO~ ><

Noodles on the table: You shld. Because you are dead hungry

Me: NOOOOOOO....anyway how would you know if i am hungry

Noodles on the table: Of course you are! you are so hungry till you are having illusions.

Me ( confused):..... huh?

Noodles on the table: Hello~ otherwise how do you think you are talking to the instant noodles

Me: ... ... .... .... (-┏)

hais... i am beyond all hopes....

zzz...

i am going to eat those noodles now...

SJ CLOCKS ^^

2009-11-18T06:40:00.001+08:00

THIS IS REALLY CUTE!!!!!

I CANT STOP SAYING THIS!!

BECAUSE IT IS REALLY CUTE.

IMAGINE A SHY LOOKING HEECHUL HOLDING OUT ROSES WITH BOTH HANDS
ISNT THAT JUST CUTE?
(partly because it is impossible to see him doing that in real life)
ACTUALLY DON'T IMAGINE!
THE IMAGE IS JUST ABOVE!

BUT THE BEST PART IS
(okay i sound like some promoter)

HIS HOLDING THE ROSES ON YOUR DESKTOP!

i just downloaded this clock and is getting crazy over it....
hahas... just ignore me...

but if you want the suju clocks too
(which include all members)

go find it your self -.-

keekekekeee

wakakakakak

hahahas

muawkkakakaka....

before that...let me show you some of the pngs of the clock

^^

hahahs....

it's really a trouble 13 can be sometimes...

i have to upload thirteen pics...

but anyhow...

that's the fun part of SUJU isn't it?

keee..

^^

2009-11-15T23:55:00.000+08:00

I want a russian blue tooo.... one like heebum

...

zzz really very cute

The picture of how memory should be

2009-11-15T17:35:00.000+08:00

making kimchi today...

wonder how will it turn out.

that will have to wait till nxt week before i can sample the taste.

tuition today is averagely fine...
except for the fact that i miss Miss Ang

during tuition i asked to be excused to the washroom.
and as usual like how most people react when they hear this
huey ying and nutella(as pronounced by the new teacher)
made a big fuss out of it...

maybe it is really strange...not saying it in the normal

"teacher go toliet" way...

but then again i remebered about 10 years ago.
alittle girl went up to the english teacher shyly
and whispered in chinese to be excused to the washroom.

the teacher not knowing that the little girl do not know how to speak english
embarrassed her infont of the class.

and not long after that, she regretted
because the little girl's mother told her that she had just came a forign country.

that moment she squat down to the height of the little
and whispered in her ears.

"it is maybe i be excused to the washroom"

and that's how the little girl remembered it to be

till today

keeeee.

the day that life change / starts / ends

2009-11-14T10:45:00.001+08:00

Actually this could suck more...

i dont really like the skin.
but to ensure the survival of my blog,
I HAD TO BARE WITH THIS....

why didnt i do my self a skin...

well there is a few answers to this.
it could have been my random-ness, my laziness, my "lack of focus" -ness
blah blah blah..

yes there is plenty answer to this....(-┏)

but there isnt really answers to my unfortunated life.

recently big things happened.
really big.
big enough to change the entire world.

MY entire world.

maybe it wasn't there to begin with so i had nthing to lose.
but the feeling of knowing that i couldnt be there anymore
HURTS.

the feeling of betrayal
HURTS.

the feeling of not knowing how to help
HURTS.

still...
some other things remained as it shld be...

like my atittude towards unfortunated things.

Yes,
though it hurts.
i still moved on with my life with strange tranquility
and perhaps even alittle bit more happiness.

maybe i am inmune to stuff like this already...

after all what could i do?

should i create a whole lot of drama out of this?
then hurt the ones beside me?

should i pray with running tears,
after knowing that i will be most like talking to the air...

after all i could do is to stay like this and move on.

and after all i did gain something out of this.

the goals infont is clearer now
and...well i fell different about the word family.

yes. it matters more now.

And speaking of praying...
recently i picked up a book called "Disappointment of God"

not that i am disappointed against god
(well, that was a long time ago...so it's alittle late to change the fact)
nor i am starting to pick up on the road of faith..

in fact...
Yijia gave it to me...

Yes, Yi jia
in the past, or one year ago, was commonly known as "just a classmate".

when did we start talking about god...
was it the time talked about SuperNatural
and i accidently spilled the fact i was disappointed?

when did we feel more than just classmates...
was it the time that i saw her laugh with the jokes?
and saw beyond preconception some others injected in me?

when did i felt the closeness...
was it the time that she offered to visit me when i was sick?
and i suddenly felt she had long ago shake of the title of being just a classmate.

so when i decided that i should tell her all this?

it was definately the time i opened the present and saw the book.
not that i am being converted..
but it just feels good when you know
that some one remembered even the small things
and did bother to look out for you....

but then again....

how did we come to talk about this?

yes... i guess it's because i am missing my friends already.

MeiBao . YuTing . Sharon .

and of course

Yi jia ^^

bobo heemin and friends
it's good to be back =)

RING THE BELL LOSER?

2009-10-19T22:49:00.000+08:00

grown up shinee

no longer looking for the nuni ^^

nuni will come looking for them

losers stay in their childish fighthing ways

wins grow up and change for the cool =)

hwaiting shinee ^^

2009-10-18T23:16:00.000+08:00

great great great...

now i am only left with one suju and one heechul gif...

nice

how much nicer can this get...

zzzzzzz

2009-10-17T19:06:00.000+08:00

zzzz....
something is wrong with me.
i must be hollow in the head.

now days i don't do anything.

anything at all

except for wondering around youtube and suju websites

which i find boring cause i finished almost all the things i can see

yet i just keep wondering and doing nthing productive.

nothing at all.....

and looking at my blog makes me more pissed and wasted.

what the hell is wrong with blogger?

or what a hell is wrong with me?

can't i concentrate on something useful?

for start.....

get my self a better skin....

zzzzz......

feel a sudden rush of closing this blog.

hais i want my comfy little blogging space back.

aiishiiii.....chin ja...

zzzzzz

zzz

2009-10-17T10:11:00.000+08:00

blogger killed my blog
it took the history out of it's suju skin
which translates to it's background

blogger killed my blog
it took the voice out of my blog
which is the tag board

blogger killed my blog
it took the good mood out of my blog
which is the music

blogger killed my blog
it took the connection of my blog to the world
which is the links

blogger killed my blog
it took the personality away from my blog
which is the introduction of me

blogger killed my blog
still it was merciful
it did not took the life out of it...

and guess what is the life?

... ...

the blog updates?

no

....

hoho it's the heenim pic ^w^

keeeeeee.

hais.

but seriously

when was the last time i did a skin?

is my skill going off?

i can't even repair my broken skin...

zzzz....

but fear not!

i am back to the creating skins!

just let this corpse of my blog lie here peacefully for some time

and i will be back with a new skin!

yes a heenim one =)

so for now
just let he soul of my blog
speak it's silent words ^^

hmm and on the side note....

사과하지 마세요 언제 그런 말은하지 않습니다

yea...

world.peace

hee.nim

^ㅠ^

2009-10-16T17:58:00.000+08:00

seriously

blogger is getting on my nerves

i blog a super long post yesterday night

about everything i want to blog
and i just couldnt publish

yes super long blog post about the norabang trips
and other cool stuffs

but it just don't get published

zzzzzzzzzzz

(-┏)

zzzzz.......

so beofore anything ....

i shall blog
cause
i got alots to say

and usual lazy to blog =)

so i shall force my self to blog now

and do other stuff later

okay

so i went to watch Antique Bakery

okay! shhhhhh~

dont make such a big fuss!

i know i shldnt

but it is a complete nice and healthy movie !

fine i shall remove the healthy part

for those who do not know what is antique bakery about....

i don't recommend you to know it

unless you are above a certain age

and can except things in the grown up's way

hohohoho~

but it was nice...

seriously

except for the.....

guy-guy kissing parts

WHICH

i swear i skipped!

okay the short summery about this movie in one word is

" gays"

in two words is

"about gays"

in three words is

" about classy gays"

......

....

you get what i mean

but acutally there is more to it

so

if you think you can handle it

then watch it ba...

btw....

in the movie

there is a role that is cut out for heenim....

it's a pity he didn't act in it...

but am relieved he did not

i dont want to see him kissing a guy seriously

he only do it for fun ^^

ㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱㄱ~

2009-10-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

tic - tock

... ...

di- da-di- da

... ...

tic- tock

... ..

di-da-di-da

... ... ....

tic- tock

time runs like tears down the cheeks

cause they lied

tears don't evaporate when you do hand stand

it only flows backwards

... ....

tic-tock-tic-tock

~time~

tell me when was the last time i felt like this

....

and when will be the next ?

di-da-di-da

....

...

you lied too, didn't you?

you never showed

but you did care

...

고마워

....

난 널 너무 신세

although i never said it

but i knew it

yes

고마워

...

2009-10-12T23:24:00.001+08:00

HOHOHO~

am back

the real me is back

the afternoon one is fake....

LOLS
doesn't literally mean that...

i found out what catalyst my black/bloody mood this afternoon...

cause i was too high at norabang( Kbox) therefore i drained all my energy.
plus i did not sleep well last nigh..

yes only 4 hrs of sleep.

come to think of it
it's natural

close friends know how i behave when i lack of sleep

either super high.

or super low....

hohohohoho...

the thing is i slept for 3 hrs this afternoon.
so i am recharged now...
hm...
which means i will not be able to sleep to night.....
which further translate to pimples on the skin ....

zzzzzzz....

(-┏)

STILL!!!!!!!

i feel hyper now...
(which is kind of weird i know)

cause i just went to borrow korean books

(yes after finding out how bad my korean actually is)
(it was never good to begin with)
(do i even know korean?)
(LOLS)

and i meet up with siyao~
yeah!
we playing with make ups tomoro!
NICE! AND GIRLY!
lols

the last part does not suit me....

but whatever
cause i am really excited about going out with nuni....!
to the norabang again
but still excited =)))))))

=))))))))))))

okay so the sole purpose of coming up today for the second time was
to update on the norabang trip...

in the end
random and lazy me is going to update on the norabang trips tomoro =)
cause tomoro is going to be yet another exciting day

wakakakakaka~

okay i am really not in the right state now....

muwaksssssss!

bobo heenim
who have just gotten praised by netizens for his poliet behavior on dream concert

and good luck to sujus =)
(random again)

2009-10-12T16:46:00.000+08:00

zzz...

they say after heaps of fun, happiness and laughter...
you get a sudden feeling of sadness.

but today i was in a high to the peak mood with dear friends...
it was a really enjoyable time....

but before i got the chance to enjoy the happiness and blog about it
i saw smthing..

so seriously heechul is closing the minihomepage.

all thanks to gd and his clever vips...

actually to group them together...
it's those irresponsible freak.

乐及伤悲。。。

i don't know weather there is proof to this...

but after the happiness i got from today...

now i am not feeling abit sad.

but hatred and anger burns in the heart...

zzzz....

if you are thinking
no it's not just about heenim....
i am not dumb or bombotic like i claimed to be...

if you are thinking you shld not 对号入座 like you always do
then think again....
cause you shld

zzz...zzzz

if my computer was a living human...
it would have died under my stare................................

....................

...................
..................

i need some time to think before speaking...
or i might just start killing

i really need time to calm down and think
before i become like some irresponsible freaks

i seriously need some friends advise...
before i do something rash..
and waste all friends efforts of keeping peace.....

ALL THOSE IRRESPONSIBLE PPL WHO COMMENT ON OTHERS.......

......

.....

why is anger taking effect at such a slow rate....

why did i get angry and bother so much after such along time....

why

why i wonder....

why.....

why....

i conclude
you can hurt me in what ever way you want
but there are certain things which belongs to me
that don't you ever touch.

1. my family
2. my friends
3. my idols and religion
4. my definition of truth and moral
5. my pride

zzz.... i guess a few of these was offended...

zzzz..... i shld really quite blogging now...

or i might break the key board....

sry friends if i had spoiled the fun mood...

but i can't help it....................
cause i feel this sudden anger...

yes
just like you
i wonder why

why i waste my time on this

why i get angry....

yes why

why

why

why....

2009-10-11T13:28:00.000+08:00

zzz.....zzzz
i wasted away my one hour on the post...
and deleted it in 2 seconds....

hais... for the sake of world peace...

for the sake of friends

for the sake of your ignorance

i shant be soo much like heenim
and revenge like him too...

still the word revenge is too harsh...
i was half smiling when i saw that...
to be frank it was really amusing

still if it bothers you so much....
let me repeat this again

YOU ARE YOU
I AM ME

if it still bothers you so much

let me tell you this blog had nthing about you

if it still bothers so much

it was about family matter.

do you understand?

you don't
do you

just like some of the relations in the world
that you will never understand =)

2009-10-10T13:37:00.000+08:00

ahhhh~
exams are over!!!!!!!!!
i am enjoying every moment of this life now
yeah~

still it could be better if any wants to go out with me....
zzz...
i want to party...

but i want my computer too...

new hair cut...
it is averagely okay...

with heenim everyday =))))))))
bobo~

2009-10-06T11:54:00.001+08:00

Hm…. Wanted to post about OHMAYI accident…

But it seems that it will be abit retard to do so…

So I decided not to…

Still I must say

Heenim… you are just really really really cool

super- dupper cool

don't mess with heechul and his SJ dongsangs

he will get back with you in hee's style….

Hohohoho~

Besides the ohmayi incident that made life abit interesting for me

Nthing else seemed to be cheering life on.

Still I am bimbo-ticly (if there is such a word) happy.

Yes.

I doubt why…

After I flung my chem….

I am still happy (I am serious here )

Yes

I doubt why

after knowing that I am going to flung my maths and Clit tomoro

I am still bimbo-ticly happy…

Yes.

I doubt why.

Okay its either I grew up or I spilt my brains…

On the side note…the icing mooncake (though yesterday a bit late for mooncakes) was damn nice…

Yumm yumm…..

Still happy.

I doubt why =)

Heenim and his OHMAYI ROCKS~

2009-10-04T18:33:00.001+08:00

A day with Chem Shii…

I am proud of myself today

I got along with Chem Shii =)

That 's unbelievable to a certain extent…

I actually mugged for 8 hours.

Okay with small pauses and nap in the middle….

But the fact that I memorised most of my Chem notes in unbelievable….

Today is just super productive….

My speed of memorising is just super unbelievable too…

Though I really could not swallow the metal notes…

But all thanks to Siyao and her magically eye-pleasing and concised notes…

Without them I think I would die

Well the fact that I spend two days to take notes for organic chem

and one day for electrolysis tells us that I really do not know how to take note.

Luckily I have got good and pretty senior (wakakakakaka)

Four more days… actually just three more days to end of misery…

Thursday I am gonna party.

With nuni at K-box?

With friends at movies?

Or just with my computer at home?

Anything is fine…

Just don't talk to me about studying.

As I have said before

나 공부에적합하지…

Yes…that shall remain true forever…

Hwaiting!

Heenim....stop emo-ing …

You aren't good for nthing~

2009-09-30T20:58:00.001+08:00

내가 말하고 싶은 건 딱 한가지입니다…

공부진짜싫어 =.=

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

아시…아랐어 공부 계속하다~

화이팅!

재원님메시지~

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ~

2009-09-28T11:48:00.000+08:00

Yeah!
today i shall mug for maths and physics =)
and i will start at 12
i will keep to that timing =)

AJA~ Hwaiting =))))))))

hardworking Heenim =)))

2009-09-27T21:33:00.001+08:00

After knowing that I can actually blog in office…

I am really relieved.

Due to some really weird reasons now days

I am really in to blogging.

Maybe it's heenim's influence….

Anyways to be able to blog in office means that I don't get suspected by my mother.

Good good good…

Today went to tuition class in a lousy mood.

I was having a bad hair day and the nest on my head looked really bad

I was kind of scary on the MRT.

Practically I stared hard and with evilness at anyone looking in my direction.

And my mouth was tilted to one side…

Can you imagine?

During tuition I felt better with Nat, HY and Ms Ang around

For some reason I cheered up…

Maybe it's because of the amount of titbits A.K.A fats I ate during the lesson

Well who knows?

It's just good that I am not staring at people on my way back home….

Today marks the last day of my maths lessons with Ms Ang

Who happened to be a really good maths teacher just like Mr Ang coincidentally …

I wonder if she is his daughter or something.

Anyways,

I really liked Ms Ang.

Because of her my maths improved drastically.

It's sad that I have to move on to another class with a new maths tutor

Whom I doubt can be half as good as Ms Ang.

Ms Ang is just really a pleasant teacher who will not get pissed no matter what you did to her.

Coincidentally that's like Mr Ang too…

So the whole point is I will really miss her

Selfishly, I will keep the great memories of her class

Including the maths knowledge she taught me

In my heart forever

And I will never give her back.

These days I have been really studying

Not hard though but bit by bit.

Still I can't believe that I spend 2 days just on organic chem….

Zzzz…

That's really productive…

Still, heard that organic chem and electrolysis is really important.

So RV humans out there let's hwaiting together….

Aja!

I here by promises I will only look at Heenim after exam.

But before that let me put his picture and say the last goodbye…

Hoho =)

wish i looked as good as him when i stare and smirk....

bobo~

heenim